Wednesday night Lucky and I had a few adult beverages on an empty stomach and went to see An Evening with Patti & Mandy and it was the GREATEST THING EVER. Okay, so it was completely crazypants and I’m not even entirely sure what all happened, or if I just dreamed the whole thing up. But I fucking loved every crazy moment of it. Because (fun) crazy is one of my favorite things to see on stage. Well, that and Mandy Patinkin affectionately patting Patti LuPone on the bum, which, good news, also happened multiple times that night. It was like my theater dream come true! Below, five of the crazy things that happened on stage at the Barrymore Theater:
They walked out on stage looking very much like your friendly neighborhood sociopath/axe-murderers
Maybe it was all that black clothing. Or that weird blank expression Mandy made while Patti was solo-ing. Or… I dunno. They just looked like manic crazypeople, smiling real hard and waiting for you to turn around so they could bury an axe between your shoulders. I should note that this did not make me enjoy “Some Enchanted Evening” any less. In fact. I may have gotten a bit teary, regardless.
The 37 Minute Carousel-Medley-of-Doom
Honestly, Patti & Mandy ended the night with the longest Carousel medley of life. It was basically Carousel Abridged. And it was not their best choice. Especially when they failed to edit out the “He hit me because he loved me” bullshit that Julie spouts over Billy’s dead body, which really doesn’t work as well in 2011 as it did (?) in whatthefuckever year the show actually happened.
The Secret Garden did not happen
I mean, maybe asking for a “Lily’s Eyes” duet was a bit much. But not even “Race You to the Top Of the Morning”? You’re killing me, Mandy. You’re killing me! But really. The song selection was often extremely weird. Like, all the B-Sides of musical theater ever, thrown into one show. As Lucky said while reading the Playbill pre-show, “I could have vomited up a box of Alpha-bits and come up with a better set list than this!”
Okay. So I get that we’re doing this like it really is in the warp-universe/Loveland/circus/vaudeville space. But, really? Mandy, it’s too many things. And that face you keep making where you pull your cheeks back and your lips become a really thin line and your eyes bug out? It’s creepy. And I don’t understand it. And it’s creepy.
The fact that I still want to have all kinds of crazy sex with Mandy Patinkin
I know, I KNOW! Even after all that, I still love him so much it makes my heart hurt and my lady parts sing. YEAH, I SAID IT. I know he has a wife. And children my age. And in Compulsion he had creepy pseudo-sex with an Anne Frank puppet on stage, which is something you cannot unsee. I honestly do not care. Not even one iota. That is how much I love Mandy Patinkin. My evening with Patti & Mandy somehow only solidified that love, which may be the craziest thing of all.
Photo: Joan Marcus
Tickets provided by the production.