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7 Broadway Halloween Costumes that No One Will Understand

You know what’s a terrible idea? A Broadway-inspired Halloween costume.

No, really. If you want to be That Person at every single party, you should definitely start rummaging around thift stores for the perfect Fantine costume. So then, everyone can walk up to you and drunkenly ask, “So what are you supposed to be? A milkmaid?”

Here are some costumes that seem like a great idea at the outset… until you think about it for a minute…

1. Little Cosette

What you are: Impoverished post-revolutionary waif.
What people will think you are:

  • Homeless
  • Cinderella, pre-Fairy Godmother
  • The Little Match Girl

2. Harold Hill

What you are: Small-time con man
What people will think you are:

  • One quarter of a barbershop quartet, only you never meet up with the other three guys
  • John Philip Sousa
  • Marching band guy

3. Mark Cohen

What you are: East Village artist wallowing in self-imposed isolation and poverty
What people will think you are:

  • Occupy Wall Street guy
  • Stuart Copeland in the early 90s
  • Pop singer Marc Cohn

4. Fagin

What you are: Dickensian villain
What people think you are:

  • Hagrid on a diet
  • Low-rent Gandalf
  • Sweetums
  • Professional wrestling’s The Undertaker

5. Elphaba

What you are: Green-skinned witch who is not evil, but empowered
What people think you are: The one in the movie, who is actually evil

6. Sweeney Todd

What you are: Homicidal barber
What people think you are:

  • Edgar Allan Poe
  • Willy Wonka
  • The Little Dutch Boy

7. Grizabella

What you are: A magical cat
What people think you are:

  • Lady Gaga
  • Bette Davis in What Ever Happened to Baby Jane
  • Zombie pre-op Dolly Parton
  • The Trash Heap from Fraggle Rock

{ 4 comments… add one }

  • Amanda October 23, 2012, 11:23 am

    All of my friends wear Broadway costumes and they’re usually a lot more esoteric than this!

  • Brady October 25, 2012, 12:25 pm

    I was Grizabella at 15. No one got it. But I did.

    PS- is that Mr. Bean (RA) playing Fagin?!?

  • Jessica October 27, 2012, 10:05 am

    If you need a costume at the last minute you can always grab your favorite hat and be The Motherf**ker with the Hat!

  • Megan November 6, 2012, 2:57 am

    My friend was “50 Shades of Grey Gardens” this year. It was hysterical.

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