We’ll admit it. We’re bored to death with Broadway. Winter is always dull, but this year the fall was just as bad. It feels like forever since we loved ourselves a new show. Probably because no one seems to have the cojones or quality work to open a show before March unless it’s a limited run play.
In the meantime, we’ve been indulging our obscene crush on the new and improved Skylar Astin by mainlining his scenes from Pitch Perfect and wishing he’d come back to Broadway. In fact, we’ve decided there are at least five roles with which Skylar Astin could spice Broadway up this season, and we’re going to summarize them below:
Tevye (Fiddler on the Roof)
Okay. So this would clearly be the Muppet Babies Take Broadway version of Fiddler on the Roof, but don’t tell us you wouldn’t DIE to see Skylar play the most uncomfortably hot Tevye you–and the Great White Way–have ever seen. Take a minute to picture his spastic Tevye shimmy in “If I Were a Rich Man” and tell us you’re not already smiling.
Jamie (The Last Five Years)
We know. This one is already happening off-Broadway as we speak. But imagine for a minute if Skylar were playing Jamie. Seems kind of perfect, no? He looks right. He sings real good. And we kind of already wonder if Skylar isn’t a secret jerk on the inside, just like Jamie. Plus, in this two-hander, we’d get tons of Skylar stage time to swoon over.
Billy Flynn (Chicago)
Sure. We think this might actually be disastrous, but you know what? That wouldn’t stop it from being AWESOME. Plus, Chicago stunt-casts all the time. Skylar is no Billy Ray Cyrus, sure. But he has starred in two big Hollywood Flicks in the last 6 months, and he’s at least 10 times more talented than Backstreet Boy Kevin “Eyebrows” Richardson. We dig it. And we’d love to see him dance.
Harold Hill (The Music Man)
Something about this just works. There’s an undeniable charm to adult Skylar–the kind of thing Harold Hill needs in spades. And he could totally pull off the sweet romance with madam librarian, Marian. And with that big voice of his he’d definitely do justice to Meredith Wilson’s score. Plus, we’ve had a crush on good old Hal since the (much older) love-of-our-nine-year-old-lives played him at the local high school and Skylar’s big old smile would keep that crush shining on.
The Emcee (Cabaret)
Hahaha. JK! We’re pretty sure this is one of the worst casting ideas we’ve ever had. Although. We didn’t specify the idea had to be good. Just that it had to spice things up. And through sheer hilarity, this would do the trick. Also. There is some craptaculariousness to the thought of seeing Skylar with rouge on his nipples. We’d instantly, instantly, buy a ticket. We’re guessing a lot of you would, too.