You guys, there’s only 45 days until the 2013 Tony Awards. 45 days! And only five days until the nominees are announced! And while the rulings are all in for eligibility, and we’ve starting picking our leading contenders for nominations, the folks behind the Tony Awards have yet to announce a host for Broadway’s biggest night. So attention the American Theater Wing, the Broadway League, CBS executives, or whomever the fuck picks the host: these are the hosts we dream of seeing on June 9:
Jesse Tyler Ferguson
Probably the best-bet and safest all-around choice here. Jesse Tyler Ferguson has all the makings of a perfect Tony-host. Broadway vet? Check! Starring in a popular sitcom (albeit another network)? Check! In-town for a few weeks with something to promote? Check! And contrary to what those Annie posters might say, he’s America’s favorite redhead. Plus, after his participation in last-year’s excellent Tony opener, he’s proven he can handle the whole big performance number thing. With his ties to the community, think of the bits he could pull with some of theater’s best (we’re looking at you, Benanti and Miranda). We’re also pretty sure he’s seen everything in the past few weeks (thanks Twitter!). He’d be a pretty great pick. Think of the bowties, people!
We know CBS might want to push one of their own network stars on us. And sure, if it was next year and they were thinking Bad Teacher’s Ari Graynor, then we’d be totally okay with that. But CBS doesn’t really have any good contenders right now. Sure, Jim Parsons would probably be the most logical choice. He’s eligible for a nomination this year for Harvey, after all. But we’re guessing he won’t be nominated, and therefore won’t want to host. So who’s left? Kaley Cuoco’s hosted 100 People’s Choice Awards in the past? LL Cool J hosted The Grammys last year? That girl from 2 Broke Girls wasn’t awful in that Marvin Hamlisch tribute this year? But shit, none of them would actually be good.
Unless CBS did something bold, and threw the hosting to Mike and Molly star Melissa McCarthy. Sure, she may have nothing to do with Broadway. But she’s funny as hell, and judging by her perfect SNL hosting gigs and that ah-mazing 2011 Emmy bit, she can handle live TV. Think of how great it would be to have someone from outside look in on our community and find the fun in it? She could bring a whole new audience to the show and actually give these shows the national attention they deserve! Plus, she’s got a movie coming out at the end of June and it could be good practice for her hosting the Emmys one day, so there’s something in it for her, too!
Alec Baldwin and Shia LeBeouf
Things might not have worked out so well for Alec Baldwin and Shia LeBeouf at Orphans rehearsals. But despite tweeting out a handful of their personal emails, and ranting about it to Letterman, LeBeouf has said that the two are cool. He even went to the first preview! So, if the two could put aside their “tensions as men,” they could probably make it through the Tonys hosting gig. Let’s be honest, they both could use the positive press. And judging by his 2010 Oscar co-host gig with Steve Martin, Alec is very comfortable sharing the stage with someone else. Can’t you picture them doing a cute little soft shoe hat and cane number? Maybe to Godspell’s “All for the Best?” And then at the end of the number, they put up a picture of Ben Foster and sing “YES IT’S ALLL FOOOR THE BEEEST.” The show writes itself, people!
Anna Kendrick and Jeremy Jordan
Keeping with the co-host theme, how ‘bout Anna Kendrick and Jeremy Jordan? She’s coming off of the hit Pitch Perfect. He’s coming off the not-so-hit SMASH, season 2. Together, they’re about to start production on The Last Five Years film. Let’s put them up in front of a Tony audience and see how the sparks fly, huh? Plus, it’ll give Jordan a chance to sing “Broadway Here I Come” live. And Anna can do her “Ladies Who Lunch” from Camp. HOW WOULD YOU NOT WATCH THIS!??
Speaking of “Ladies Who Lunch,” how ‘bout Elaine Stritch? She’s got that documentary coming out. It could be the last stop on her “Farewell NYC Tour of 2013!”
Okay. Sometimes when you dream, you have to dream big. For years, Tom’s name has been thrown around as a dream Oscars host. Wouldn’t it be a coup if the Tonys got him instead? They could do it too, if they spun it the right way. “Listen Tom, it’d be a no pressure gig for you. They’re expecting a big song-and-dance opening number from you, so we’ll give that away to someone else, like a reunited Bette Midler and Barry Manilow. All we need from you is a few Broadway jokes about having a cold and doing 8 shows a week and you’ll be golden. We’ll even throw in the Best Actor in a Play Tony for Lucky Guy. What do you say?”
Neil Patrick Harris
Let’s just be honest here – no one’s been a better Tony host than Neil Patrick Harris. Except for maybe Hugh Jackman. But he’s filming the new X-Men movie. Come back, NPH!