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The Cast of Jasper in Deadland Brings Back the Dead

…Or at least, they tell us who they’d try to bring back. If they had a shot.

So. Ryan Scott Oliver and Hunter Foster’s new musical Jasper in Deadland started previews last night. It stars scads of very attractive young people — Matt Doyle, Allison Scagliotti, Ben Crawford, & F Michael Haynie among them — and tells the story of Jasper, a 17-year-old who journeys to the underworld to rescue his bestie and runs into some mythological creatures and such on the way. We’re pretty sure it muses on life and death and love and all those good things, too. But it’s hard to remember stuff like that when we’re just like… enraptured by that gorgeous show art (hell yeah Matt Murphy and  Peter James Zielinski).

Anyway. While we were busy alternating between staring at pics of Matt Doyle in a wet t-shirt for hours and staring at pics of Ben Crawford in a natty suit for hours, the cast of Jasper got together and made a list of folks, ridiculous, (possibly) real, and otherwise, who they’d bring back from the dead. You know, if they could. Somehow  we got the exclusive line on sharing that list with you here. (Okay, there was some begging and bribery involved.)

Anyway. We couldn’t possibly imagine how to put these in an official ranked order, so we’re sticking with the order they were in when Mr. Ryan Scott Oliver himself sent along. So. Enjoy this peek inside the cast’s deep, dark minds. Or something like that. 


#10 Julia Child
ANDI ALHADEFF (Persephone)

…so she could make me dinner, and we could eat it together.

#9 Lenoardo da Vinci

…just to see him poop his pants at all the awesome stuff we’ve created since his time.

#8 Dorothy Dandridge 

…for girl talk, natch.

#7 Andy Warhol

…because I’m dying to know what he’d think of social media. And what he’d do with it. Maybe he’ll show up if we break Vine.

#6 Every character that Sean Bean ever played.
F MICHAEL HAYNIE (The Chuckster)

…cause even though technically Sean Bean (one of my favorite actors) is actually still alive, he’s basically famous for dying in almost every film he ever makes. This ever present spoiler alert makes enjoying films and television much harder. He always plays the coolest characters, good and bad, who meet their demise just as they are getting started (sometimes before). To bring him back would require a great editor, flawless cgi artist and the original reels of all his film and TV, so, no big deal, really.

[Ed note: The first time I read this, I somehow transposed Sean Astin and Sean Bean. Everything makes less sense but is funnier that way.]

#5 George Washington Carver 

…so we could all get a good taste of those nuts! Obviously, I would visit his gravesite and do my Tituba-inspired spirit dance in my birthday suit… that ought to do the trick.

#4 Henry VIII

…so I could force him into a therapy session with a female psychiatrist that I get to watch with a bucket of popcorn, whilst interjecting my highly insightful questions or comments throughout.

#3 Christopher Columbus

…on Columbus Day, clearly. So he can fess up to his crimes, and we no longer have to have a whole avenue blocked off for his lies.

#2 Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore 

…because he’d be a fierce gay rights activist. I’ll just bust out my Supreme witch powers, a la AHS: Coven, and raise that beautiful bearded queen from the dead!


…I would bring him back during a humongous thunderstorm. And when the rain was pouring down all over Times Square he would come up through one of the sewers like Tim Curry in IT. And Gene Kelly, with New Yorkers and tourists alike, would sing and dance in the rain.  A huge flash mob of theatrical fun. (Added bonus: Since we’re both Pittsburghers. Gene and I could have a competition of who can tap singing in the rain better. I fear he may win. But I’ll take the challenge.)

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