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Oh, Charlie Rosen. You know him. Late of Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson and One Man, Two Guvnors, Charlie has perfected the art of being a member of an onstage Broadway band. In his latest venture, though, the band in question is all Charlie’s. If you haven’t yet seen Charlie Rosen’s Broadway Big Band, we invite you to take a gander. Especially because this band is kind of blowing up right now. After a couple of inaugural gigs at the Beechman and at 54 Below, the band now has a scheduled residence at the latter venue, beginning on May 24. And the first shows were doozies. Featuring folks like Santino Fontana, Laura Osnes, Jay Armstrong Johnson, Nick Blaemire, and Alyssha Umphress all singing along with Charlie’s massive, 47-piece (or something…) band, the sound was pretty large and in charge. And basically you couldn’t fit anything or anyone else on the stage — not even a very, very small child playing a kazoo. Here’s a little photo journal of how that first show, held on March 30 at 54 Below, turned out…

Act I: Sound Check

This is Pianist Steven Feifke, who is both exceptionally friendly and cute. He hit the stage first, while chairs were being set up for everyone else.

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Here’s Alyssha Umphress singing like a rockstar — or in this case, a superstar vintage-y lady crooner. She checked her text messages during the band’s solos. Like a boss.

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Just like the cue card says, this charming gal is Monet Julia Sabel, who also happens to be the Big Band’s resident lead vocalist. She’s also Charlie’s girlfriend, which is pretty cute. Our favorite moment of the sound check? When Monet subbed for Jay A. Johnson, who couldn’t make it because he had a matinee performance of Hands on a Hardbody. She sang Jay’s song, Sondheim’s “Another Hundred People,” in a decidedly manly key. If she ever wants to play Pippin or Marius on tour, we think she has a decent shot…

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See the guitarist back there? You know, the smoldery one… um… holding the guitar? Our favorite thing about him, besides the fact that we have secret crushes on him and that we just wrote about it the internet? His name! It’s Italo Cuhna. Bellissimo!

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If you think Hannah Elless looks good in her sound check gear, wait until you see the dress this girl has in store for the show. In fact, you won’t even have to wait that long. Keep scrolling…

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Alyssha, Monet, and Hannah rehearse the show’s pièce de résistance — Charlie’s big-band arrangement of Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep.” It must be heard to be believed. And heard. And heard. Because it’s that good.

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Charlie’s proud mama was in from out of town to see the show. She spent the afternoon playing photographer, just like us. Only. You know, with a flashier camera.

 

Act II: Backstage

 

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As soon as we got backstage, we heard the show’s producer shout, “Guys, get in here, Charlie is playing bass barefoot!” We went running….

And he indeed was.

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Here, producer Max Freidman demonstrates his most important pre-show responsibility — delivering an espresso and a whiskey to Charlie Rosen. Simultaneously.

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Monet has been waiting all day to show us her new kicks. We can understand why.

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Et voila — the lovely Hannah Ellis in her liquid lightning bolt of a dress. No shoes just yet…

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Nick Blaemire is surrounded and we doubt he minds.

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Gifts for the boys. Also, Monet’s insanely beautiful clutch. Fun fact: It was designed by the costumers behind Boardwalk Empire.

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Roses for the ladies, obviously. This is a classy affair.

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Immediately before we snapped this shot, Nick was pacing circles in the main lounge area, going over his lyrics and singing under his breath.  It was kind of amazing.

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In this photo at this very moment, Hannah Ellis is following us on Twitter.

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Alyssha Umprhess looking fab, as per usual.

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The girls asked us to take a shoe shot. Clearly, being the girls we are, we obliged. L-R, Hannah Ellis, Alyssha Umprhess, Monet Julia Sabel.

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Jay A. Johnson and Alyssha Umphress have a moment.

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Alyssha Umprhess, Monet Julia Sabel and Jay A. Johnson commiserate about how awesome they all are. Oh wait, sorry, that was what we were talking about. They were just probably talking about singing.  Or Alysha’s Louboutin’s.

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Monet and Cinderella‘s Greg Hildreth pose. And smile.

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Greg and Santino Fontana discuss what must clearly be serious matters, as evidenced by Greg’s deathgrip on that pillow.

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This is why he’s playing Prince Charming, folks. Santino Fontana, ladies and gents. Santino Fontana…

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Lovely Laura Osnes backstage, straight from the Broadway Theater where she’d just gotten offstage after playing Cinderella. How’d she get to 54 Below so fast? Not sure, but our bets are on a flying pumpkin with Victoria Clark in the jumpseat.

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I sort of suspect that Greg Hildreth didn’t know that this photo was going to go on the internet.

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 Act III: The Show

Check out more of our photos from Charlie’s gig on Playbill. These were shot by our trusty staff photog, Clay Mallory. He takes pictures on a camera that is not also a phone.

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So, on the off chance that you didn’t already know, this Drew Gasparini guy has a new album coming out on April 23rd. “I Could Use a Drink” is chock full of musical theater tunes, and some of Drew’s show-less pop ditties as well.

Since we love the shit out of you guys we wanted to give you a sneak peek at a few of the songs that are about to be all up in your life. So we had Drew gather a bunch of his friends to film a concert for us. In his actual living room.

A few Sundays ago we piled into Drew’s apartment with his sister Kasie, Wicked’s F Michael Haynie, Spring Awakening’s Blake Daniel, Tim Ehrlich and his beautiful puppy Mila. Add the two of us, a cameraman, and his assistant, and you have a heck of a crowd. You also have this–The Craptacular Live… From Drew Gasparini’s Living Room.

And hey. Maybe if you guys are exceptionally well-behaved, we’ll make this a series.

Video: Clay Mallory

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Hands on a Hardbody

 

Fuck it all, Hands on a Hardbody, we hardly knew ‘ye. And tomorrow, 28 previews and 28 performances into your life on Broadway, you’re closing up shop.

We’re sorry to see you go. Because despite mixed reviews, and even our personal mixed feelings about the quality of your content, we admired you.

There was something honorable about the way you rolled into NYC and parked on the Great White Way, challenging the blockbuster-musical status-quo with your tightly focused story about average, every day Americans facing everyday problems. Besides, the fact that anyone was brave enough to attempt to musicalize this story–wherein people stand still with their hands on a truck for literal days on end–makes us want to walk through Times Square smooching strangers.

Because why should the whole world be subjected to musical after musical that panders to some outdated idea of what ‘Broadway’ should be? With tap-dancers and storytelling targeted to your grandmother and a musical language that is either horribly outdated, or horribly untethered to any kind of time or place in reality. Why do theaters continue to fill up with fare that takes no risks, is easy to take on tour, and sneaks into the Tony Awards on the merits of safety and comfort alone? Seriously. Nothing makes us angrier than artistic endeavors that venture nothing. (We’re looking at you Nice Work If You Can Get It, Memphis, and even, at times, Bonnie & Clyde.)

But Hardbody –no, you’re not one of those shows. You took a tricky concept–seriously, how do you make a show compelling when no one is moving?–and tried to reach a new audience in an authentic, modern musical language. Sure, you had some shortcomings. But for the gumption of your creative team and producers alone, we couldn’t stay mad at you for long and we’re sorry to see your run cut so short.

 

Photo: VanityFair.com

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When you see a show at the Williamstown Theater Festival, the first thought that runs through your brain usually isn’t, “In three years, I’m going to be sitting down with the writer of this show talking about how it’s going to be staged at The Old Globe in California.”

Or maybe it is, I don’t know. But we did see The Last Goodbye in 2010 in Williamstown out of shear love for a couple of key things — Jeff Buckley and Shakespeare. The Last Goodbye, you see, is an adaptation of Romeo and Juliet set to Buckley’s songs — a kind of hybrid-y jukebox musical wherein the elements of music and story seem like an inevitable fit for each other. (Like they’ve been on a collision course across the generations! Huzzah!) Also, when we saw it, Nick Blaemire closed the show with “Hallelujah,” which never hurts anything.

This new production in California will be directed by Alex Timbers. That also never hurts anything, although the minor fact of him being a director and not an actor means that we only see him in Vanity Fair and at fancy parties where he immediately runs away from us. But that’s a whole other article, and we digress.

Michael Kimmel, because we don’t have an awesome picture of him on hand, which really is a shame, is bespectacled and wears ties and has a tattoo about his little daughter on his arm. He looks like a writer. And we did this interview with him on a couch at Smash studios in Midtown Manhattan immediately following the band rehearsal for a Joe’s Pub show that Kimmel directed for singer-songwriter/musical theater up-and-comer Zoe Sarnak. (Which was awesome, incidentally.) We were surrounded by drums. There was a mural on the wall. And a chandelier.

The Last Goodbye it turns out, has had three workshops in the last year. Kimmel is mum about casting for any of them — and for The Old Globe production — but we did manage to pry out of him that Wallace Smith played the Prince in at least one of them. He did say, however, that the show would undergo significant changes from its last major public production in Williamstown. For one thing, it may go back in time. The Williamstown production had Romeo and Juliet wandering around a reality that looked a lot like the grafitied Lower East Side in the early nineties — the time when Jeff Buckley was playing small club gigs there on his way to superstardom.

The Old Globe production will have a more traditional bent. “We were so trapped by a couple of things that a modern setting does when you’re doing Shakespeare,” said Kimmel. “When you’re going back to period, you’re bringing swords back into it, for example. Modern makes the world smaller.”

One of way of making the world bigger was to hire Kate Waters — nicnkame: Kombat Kate, which is appropriately badass — a fight director from the UK working on this side of the pond for the first time. The results, said Kimmel, made a huge difference. “More than anything, I hate bad stage choreography. And this was like, visceral and scary. To the point of like, ‘Please don’t come that close to me. Someone’s going to get cut.’ But that opening fight gave us an entirely new framework for the piece.”

The music, however, will keep at least part of the show’s sensibility anchored in modern times. Kimmel mentioned that Buckley’s mother, Mary Guibert, a fierce protector of her late son’s legacy, has been closely involved with The Last Goodbye almost since its inception. The first version of the show that Guibert saw included Kimmel performing the spoken parts himself while a friend played Buckley’s songs on an iPod. She not only greenlighted the project; she still says its her favorite version. Guibert even followed the show to Williamstown, where she attended rehearsals and gave notes. One of her early suggestions was to change the placement of the song “Lilac Wine,” which was sung by Juliet right before she took the poison. Guibert suggested that he use “What Will You Say” instead — a song that she said made her think about identifying her son’s body. Her involvement will continue with this new production.

But as much as the sweep and passion of Buckley’s music seemed like a natural fit for Shakespeare, Kimmel shrugs off the notion that Buckley’s life seems Shakespearean unto itself, despite his incredible rise to fame, and his tragic drowning death at the age of 31. Kimmel spoke of meeting many of Buckley’s friends and acquaintances. “That’s not the impression that I ever get from them. I think there’s something in the media that wants to make a tragic story more tragic. They’re looking for a narrative. There’s this perception of him as this tragic person, but the first thing that everyone says about Jeff is that he was hysterically funny. And really, I think of Romeo and Juliet as a hysterically funny play. That’s why you care about them. To me, the balcony scene is about two people who have no idea what they’re doing, and they’re failing spectacularly.”

Enter Alex Timbers, who does the whole comedy thing, and the whole period-but-in-a-modern-idiom thing pretty well. (And also, jokes that go on for too long but are still awesome. Plus, he has nice hair.) After Williamstown, Kimmel took a step back from the piece and decided that the best way to approach the show would be with a collaborator. “So much of the early part of The Last Goodbye was just me by myself in a room with a laptop and an iPod, and that’s how the whole show started. But collaboration is king. Alex became a fresh pair of eyes.”

As for the most important thing — Kimmel’s favorite Jeff Buckley song — he’s torn. “It changes. ‘Lover You Should Have Come Over’ — It’s amazing. But ‘Forget Her’ is the song I sing in the shower. When Jeff is riffing at the end? That’s me.”

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Hit the Wall

We all spend the vast majority of our lives being taught about history by old people. Or at least, people older than us. Sometimes, theater can feel the same way. Like everything is being written, directed, and mounted by people older than we are, and targeted at people older than us, too.

The coolest thing about Hit the Wall, a new play about the Stonewall Riots, now open at the Barrow Street Theater? You get the sense that you’re learning about this seminal moment in history–why it’s important, why it’s still relevant–from people your age. Young ones, just like the people who were there that very night in 1969. The language feels modern and  fresh, even while remaining true to the period. The characters are young and sharp and brightly drawn. You know these people. They are like you.

In Hit the Wall, history comes alive in an instantly relatable way, which may or may not be due to the fact that the playwright, Ike Holter is actually 27 years old. And director Eric Hoff doesn’t look much older than that. We learned this at an after-show talkback–the first in a series–where we had the chance to hear the cast interact with a man who was actually at the riots himself. The dialogue was amazing.

Which of course, leads us to the other cool thing about Hit the Wall. You know, besides the fact that it speaks directly to a new generation of theater goers and activists and feeling human beings. It’s awesome. And you should absolutely go see it.

Photo: Matt Murphy

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Alright, team. We’ve got some tickets to give a way. And Just like the folks at Jack Long Nissan, we’re hosting a competition. Unlike those guys, though, we’re not going to make you compete in some crazy test of your mental and physical endurance. In fact, entering to win is easy.

Here’s what you’ve got to do:

1. Clear your calendar. These tickets are only good between now and next Wednesday, so you gotta be ready to hit that theater!

2. Tweet @thecraptacular and @HardbodyMusical and tell us what you think is in #HunterFostersFannyPack. (The one his character wears on stage, of course!)

3. Double check your tweet. Make sure it includes the hashtagh #HunterFostersFannyPack and mentions both @thecraptacular and @HardbodyMusical.

4. Cross your fingers. You’ve got 1 hour to win!

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Okay. It’s really his character, big hick Benny Perkins’ fanny pack. But still. We couldn’t take our eyes off it from the minute it hit the Hardbody stage.

1. Condoms
2. Gu
3. Chew
4. Blow-up doll
5. A copy of The Art of War
6. Tupac on casette
7. Lavender hand lotion
8. Rhyming Dictionary
9. Miniature bottles of Cuervo
10. Pitch pipe
11. Suede cleaner
12. Diabetic socks
13. 50 Pesos
14. Zinc sunscreen
15. Dr. Scholl’s Massaging Gel Insoles
16. Opera glasses
17. The latest issue of Guns & Ammo
18. A 10-Gallon Hat
19. A pair of scissors once used by Dwight Yoakam
20. NRA member card
21. Big League Chew
22. Starbucks gift card with .14 on it
23. Nail file
24. Empty sample tube of Calvin Klein Obsession
25. Nicotine gum
26. Listerine breath strips
27. Four losing scratch tickets
28. Razr flip phone in purple
29. Toothpics
30. Several partially used, travel size Speed Sticks
31. No Doze
32. Business card for a brothel in Reno
33. Forty-five pennies, including one from 1983
34. Eight Canadian pennies
35. Full change of underwear
36. Phone charger that does not go with his phone
37. A Squeegee
38. 4 stray Jelly Bellies, Margarita flavor
39. Massage oil
40. Wallet-sized photo of George H.W. Bush
41. Plastic handcuffs
42. Air horn
43. 15 square feet of blue tarp with bungee cords

 

Photo: Jenny Anderson

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We’ll admit it. We’re bored to death with Broadway. Winter is always dull, but this year the fall was just as bad. It feels like forever since we loved ourselves a new show. Probably because no one seems to have the cojones or quality work to open a show before March unless it’s a limited run play.

In the meantime, we’ve been indulging our obscene crush on the new and improved Skylar Astin by mainlining his scenes from Pitch Perfect and wishing he’d come back to Broadway. In fact, we’ve decided there are at least five roles with which Skylar Astin could spice Broadway up this season, and we’re going to summarize them below:

 

Tevye (Fiddler on the Roof)
Okay. So this would clearly be the Muppet Babies Take Broadway version of Fiddler on the Roof, but don’t tell us you wouldn’t DIE to see Skylar play the most uncomfortably hot Tevye you–and the Great White Way–have ever seen. Take a minute to picture his spastic Tevye shimmy in “If I Were a Rich Man” and tell us you’re not already smiling.

Jamie (The Last Five Years)
We know. This one is already happening off-Broadway as we speak. But imagine for a minute if Skylar were playing Jamie. Seems kind of perfect, no? He looks right. He sings real good. And we kind of already wonder if Skylar isn’t a secret jerk on the inside, just like Jamie. Plus, in this two-hander, we’d get tons of Skylar stage time to swoon over.

Billy Flynn (Chicago)
Sure. We think this might actually be disastrous, but you know what? That wouldn’t stop it from being AWESOME. Plus, Chicago stunt-casts all the time. Skylar is no Billy Ray Cyrus, sure. But he has starred in two big Hollywood Flicks in the last 6 months, and he’s at least 10 times more talented than Backstreet Boy Kevin “Eyebrows” Richardson. We dig it. And we’d love to see him dance.

Harold Hill (The Music Man)
Something about this just works. There’s an undeniable charm to adult Skylar–the kind of thing Harold Hill needs in spades. And he could totally pull off the sweet romance with madam librarian, Marian. And with that big voice of his he’d definitely do justice to Meredith Wilson’s score. Plus, we’ve had a crush on good old Hal since the (much older) love-of-our-nine-year-old-lives played him at the local high school and Skylar’s big old smile would keep that crush shining on.

The Emcee (Cabaret)
Hahaha. JK! We’re pretty sure this is one of the worst casting ideas we’ve ever had. Although. We didn’t specify the idea had to be good. Just that it had to spice things up. And through sheer hilarity, this would do the trick.  Also. There is some craptaculariousness to the thought of seeing Skylar with rouge on his nipples. We’d instantly, instantly, buy a ticket. We’re guessing a lot of you would, too.

 

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Stark Sands, Billy Porter and some Kinky Boots

A musical about shoes with the word “Kinky” in the title is so perfectly suited to our interests, it’s entirely possible Cyndi Lauper and Havey Fierstein were writing Kinky Boots just for us. HAHA JK. Like those two needed an excuse to write this musical!

ANYWAY.  It goes without saying that we here at The Craptacular are excited about Kinky Boots. Especially since we’ve missed ourselves some Stark Sands, and we are basically in love with Billy Porter. (Really, Billy, call us, we’ll do anything.) You know what else we’re excited about? The pair of tickets we have to give away to our readers.

That’s right, team. We have a pair of tickets, just for you. Well. I mean. For one of you.

How can you win these tickets, you ask? Why, it’s simple.

1. Click here to Like our Facebook page.

2. Leave a comment here on our FB wall telling us about why you’re excited for Kinky Boots to hit Broadway.

3. C’est tout. We’ll draw a winner at random next Tuesday.

Get to entering kids. We can’t wait to hear why you’re excited.

In the meantime, we’ll be over here fantasizing about smooching Stark Sands in a pair of tall, sparkly red boots. Which is not weird at all. It’s… kinky!

 

Image: Matthew Murphy

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Last night, on an Oscars telecast that you could have easily confused for the Tony Awards if there’d been just a tiny bit more Patti LuPone, Les Miz was front and center. Theater people went nuts. Even non-theater people noticed what was up. Obsessed with Les Miz as we are, we thought it was worth a quick round up…

Aaron Tveit For the Win
Okay. So he wasn’t up for an award. But that didn’t stop Tveit from looking handsomer than anyone in the cast of Les Miz–OMG THE RED POCKET SQUARE! FOR THE BLOOD OF ANGRY MEN!–and sounding better than anyone on that damn stage. His hair was perfect. His tux was perfect. His perfect golden pipes of beautiful singing were perfect. And we will spend the rest of our lives fantasizing about him fighting with a stylist, stubbornly insisting he absolutely had to represent Enjolras, and the themes of Les Miserables, in his attire, and thus the pocket square was a must.
We don’t care if that’s not real. Just let us have this one, okay?!

Ramin Karimloo Wuz Here
For one hot second, Ramin Karimloo’s beautiful face graced our screens. There was no real reason for him to be there–he is not in any active cast of the show–unless, you know, Sir Cameron is trying to make him a thing. Ain’t nobody mad about that, though. Let the Ramin as Chris in the Miss Saigon movie speculation game begin…

Theater Tweeters Hate Anne Hathaway
Man. Our Twitter feed exploded more than ever during these Oscars, so it was kind of tough to keep up. One message we absolutely couldn’t miss, though? Theater lovers are not impressed with Anne Hathaway. In fact, they kind of want her to STFU and go away. With awards season coming to a close, there may be a reprieve, but Broadway producers have got to be banging down her door with offers by this point, so I doubt she’ll be gone for long.

Claude-Michel Schonberg gets screwed
Not only does he not win that Oscar for “Suddenly.” But Richard Gere can’t even pronounce his name properly, and worst of all, Anne Hathaway forgets that like… the guy who wrote the damn songs was an important part of the creative team for Les Miz. Homeboy just couldn’t catch a break.

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