Weekend Agenda: Brought to You by Hunter Parrish’s Penetrating Blue Eyes

Welcome to Weekend Agenda, filling your Friday afternoon theater snark needs since Spring 2010.  In this week’s edition:

• Stephen Sondheim is angry about some things, all of them related to Porgy and Bess, apparently.  And he sent a letter to the New York Times to spell those things out very explicitly.  Are we the only people who found it tiresome?  And just… generally depressing?  Stephen Sondheim all fired up about this is like… just reminding us that he’s old and crotchety and making us wish he’d write a musical instead of testy diatribes he sends to the Times.
• Diane Paulus doesn’t engage.  Like the class act she truly is, Diane Paulus responds with a statement that… doesn’t respond to Sondheim at all.  Go you, Diane!  Way to stay above the fray and avoid getting into a pissing match with a national treasure.  Those are literally impossible to win.  We wish we had the restraint to do the same kind of thing.
• MOVING ON.
• Andrew Garfield is hitting the Great White Way.  No.  There’s not another Spidey musical headed our way, thank god.  Just another Spider-Man swinging into town.  Garfield is taking on the role of Biff in Arthur Miller’s Death of a Salesman but we really hope someone can find a role in there for Jesse Eisenberg, just to keep that spectacular bromance alive on the streets of New York. The fangirls would appreciate, we’re sure.
• Speaking of Spider-Men.  Jim Sturgess visited Turn off the Dark this week.  This is only important because Jim Sturgess is hot as hell, and he posed for photographs beside Reeve Carney, prettiest man in New York, and our panties immediately felt different when we saw the evidence.
• Almost as different as our panties felt when thinking—for the zillionth time this week—about how much we’re going to enjoy seeing Hunter Parrish play Jesus in Godspell at least six of the seven days a week this fall.  Did we not mention that we were moving into the theater? And praying his costume involves a really tight t-shirt? In the meantime, we’ll continue staring at all these pretty pictures.
• Rumor has it Jesus Christ Superstar is eyeing the Neil Simon Theater for spring 2012.  All we have to say is this… DUELING SEXY JESUSES! (Jesi?) JCS better step up to the plate, because Hunter Parrish and his penetrating blue eyes are going to be hard to beat.
• Speaking of the Neil Simon Theater… Catch Me If You Can announces it will close on September 4^th.  We may not be big fans of the show, but we are big fans of understudy Jay Johnson, who has not yet had a chance to step into Frank Abagnale Jr.’s shoes.  Also, we’re big fans of Aaron Tveit’s general sexiness. So, Lucky has volunteered to take a hit for the team and have a torrid lost weekend with Tveit so the rest of us can see Jay on stage.  Isn’t she just a giver?
• Also! We here at The Craptacular are psyched to announce our latest Caught in the Act With…, which will feature the talented/gorgeous/amazingly sweet Sierra Boggess, who chatted about playing an opera diva (twice), becoming the most famous mermaid of all time, and what it’s like to own some amazingly awesome 1980s collectibles.  Keep your eyes peeled early next week for the full interview.
• And finally, we would just like to say YOU ARE WELCOME to Paul Wontorek and the folks at Broadway.com for providing them with the excellent idea to write a somewhat mouthy Friday column recapping the week’s highlights to serve as a cheat sheet for your weekend theater conversations.  We expect the royalty checks to start rolling in any day now.