Benjamin Walker has returned, y’all. At least for the time being. Tuesday night, Mr. Walker took a break from his big, fancy, Hollywood life where he makes movies with Bradley Cooper, and put on a comedy show for us. Some highlights:
- Benjamin Walker is now married, and speaking from personal experience, that ring on his left hand is like a weapon. This is probably because Walker is no less hot now that he’s married. Every time you look at the boy you can immediately picture the absolutely glorious, dirty sex you’d have. Then BAM, there’s the wedding ring. Shot down!
- Justin Levine is still the cutest person on this planet of earth. Also, he’s stupidly talented. And his voice is like butter melting on a hot bread plate—it spreads out slowly and covers everything in delicious warmth. Plus, he’s got sick taste in music and puts together a badass set list. We want him at all our parties from now on. Or in our panties. Whichever.
- Once again I laughed until I cried. Jason Good in particular almost killed me. His stories of life raising two small boys were amazingly hilarious, especially given the fact that I’m not even a parent.
- There was a heckler! Which is shocking mostly because, well, I was pretty sure the only folks in that room were crazy Benjamin Walker fangirls like ourselves. Anyway, there was some dude heckling the shit out of headliner Hannibal Buress trying to get him to do Brooklyn jokes. Hannibal handled it with aplomb, but did not acquiesce. I hear this is a shame, because he apparently has a badass Williamsburg joke. Way to ruin it for everyone, dude! Way to be that guy.
- To file under Sweet Moments That Make Your Private Parts Feel Different: As the Bloody Bloody Band jammed for the slowly dwindling (but dancing!) crowd, Ben crept up on stage to see if any of the guys wanted drinks. Then he delivered said beverages right to the boys as they played on. It was so sweet! And thoughtful! And proof that good men still exist! (Even though they’re all married!)
BONUS ROUND! It’s really good to have Ben back. I felt like the gates of my heart opened and waves of love and sunshine poured out Tuesday when I finally had an excuse to Tweet dirty thoughts about him in public. There is no one I enjoy talking dirty about more than Benjamin Fucking Walker. Truly. Please don’t leave us for so long ever again, Ben!
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It sounds amazing! I have to get my booty down to New York so I can eyefuck Ben myself!
I think you need to add Justin Levine to your list of “Words We Use Too Frequently.” Partly because he’s amazing and partly because you should talk about him more frequently (because he’s AMAZING).