I went to Kansas City to see some theater last week. I know, you’re confused. I live in New York City, home of the Broadway, and the off-Broadway, and the off-off-Broadway. Surely I have plenty of options for seeing theater nearby, right?
Trust me, you’re not alone. In fact, I’m fairly certain I actually made one Kansas City native’s day when I told her I’d come to town see a show at the Kansas City Repertory Theater. Yes, all the way from New York. Where, no, I could not see this show, or this cast, or this creative team. She was floored. And thrilled.
If you’ve ever been to Kansas City, you’ll understand her shock. The area near-ish the theater where our hotel was located—Country Club Plaza—was quite lovely. And there were some tall buildings, and some art museums. I hear the BBQ is famous. But it’s not exactly Manhattan on scale of one to Tourist Attracting Cities of the World. Or the country. It’s a pretty quiet place.
For this trip I had only two items on my To-Do list. The first was Pippin at KC Rep. The second? Shuttlecocks. Ginormous shuttlecock sculptures, strewn across the lawn of the Nelson Atkins Art Museum as though a Giant’s game of badminton had recently been abandoned. And I’ll be honest, I mostly just wanted to see those because I thought it was funny to say ‘shuttlecocks’ over and over. I am a fourteen-year-old boy on the inside.
The shuttlecocks did not disappoint. They were huge and funny and only the fear of getting shot down by an art-protecting sharp shooter in a helicopter—or, more likely, setting off some embarrassing alarm—kept me from trying to take some sort of lewd picture with one.
And then there was Pippin.
Helmed by KC Rep’s Artistic Director Eric Rosen, and starring Broadway’s Claybourne Elder, Pippin was my real priority. The thing that inspired me to book that flight to Kansas City. And it was worth every minute of travel, every delay and transfer and not-quite-soft-enough hotel bed. Because Claybourne Elder isn’t just a beautiful Pippin—though damn is he beautiful on that stage, yo, especially when he’s shirtless—he’s a dream-cast ideal, painfully perfect Pippin. Even sick (which he was that night), when Elder lets go and belts out the big notes in “Corner of the Sky” or opens his voice during “With You” and that perfect vibrato soars out, he sounds stupid wonderful. As an actor, Elder’s ability to project true vulnerability shines, giving real emotional heft to Prince Pippin’s searching journey toward a meaningful adult life.
Hours after Pippin ended my friend and I sat in our hotel beds, awake, talking about the show. We should have been sleeping. Our ride to the airport was picking us up at 4 am—a 6 am flight would carry us to Chicago for even more theater—and we knew it. But at 12:30 am, we just couldn’t stop thinking and talking. First about the beautiful stage-pictures director Eric Rosen created throughout the show—especially in the war scene—often enhanced by his smart, stunning use of art and frames. Then about Mary Testa blowing the roof off the theater and jolting life into the old people around us with her performance of “No Time At All.” And the sneering menace of Wallace Smith’s Leading Player and John Hickok’s sharp, darkly funny King Charles and Claybourne, Claybourne, Claybourne.
Sure. There were ideas we debated, too. The production’s punk rock concept seemed only partially executed—for punk, the volume should be cranked up much, much higher, and honestly, the music would need a more complete re-orchestration in order to fully bear the concept out. But taken as a visual aesthetic, punk rock worked for the show. Plus it’s especially interesting when you consider punk’s roots as a movement reacting to the very popular culture that produced Pippin in the first place, so we weren’t really mad about it. The actors playing instruments concept seemed a bit under-baked as well—it probably would have been stronger if the punk concept had been more fully realized—but ultimately it wasn’t a bother, either. In fact, in places, it was beautiful. And there was potential to make more of it, should the work see further development.
I didn’t sleep much that night. Three hours is a generous estimate. But that’s the price you pay every once in a while for loving theater and art—the nights where you can’t silence the engine of your brain as it chugs through what it loved and hated, what worked and what didn’t, what you want to see or hear or feel again and again and again. Like the shuttlecocks. And Claybourne Elder, playing the violin and singing “With You.”
Pitch Perfect is just that. It’s quotable and laugh-out-loud funny. It has winning musical numbers and a cast that hits all the right notes, both literally and figuratively. Of course we’re going to aca-love any movie that has an a cappella version of “Party in the U.S.A.” The movie is in select theaters now, widely released this Friday. And wouldn’t you know it – it’s filled with actors we’ve seen on stage before.
Anna Kendrick (Beca)
Where You’ve Seen Her On Stage Before: 1998’s High Society, in which a 12-year old Anna Kendrick was the only good thing about that show. It was her first major acting role, and it earned her a Tony nomination for Featured Actress in a Musical. Not only was that one of two Tony nominations High Society got that year, it also made her the second youngest Tony nominee ever. She was also in The New York City Opera’s 2003 production of A Little Night Music.
Where You’ve Seen Her On Screen Before: Let’s see… Rocket Science, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, The Company You Keep, End of Watch, 50/50… Oh, or the Twilight films, where Kendrick plays Jessica Stanley. There’s also that little film called Up in the Air, which earned Kendrick a 2009 Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actress. But the true theater kids out there remember Kendrick from her scene-stealing turn as Fritzi Wagner in 2003’s Camp. Tell us – has anyone ever done a better“Ladies Who Lunch” since? We think not.
Why We Love Her: She’s smart, she’s beautiful, she’s talented, and she’s almost always chosen smart, interesting work (we’re going to overlook What to Expect When You’re Expecting and, well, all the Twilight movies). Line her up with her contemporaries and you’d be hard pressed to find a more dynamic actress.
Our Favorite Clip of Her: We’re giving you two – not just because Kendrick is the star of Pitch Perfect, but also because we can’t pick a favorite. Here’s a 12-year-old Kendrick, in her High Society character, doing “Life Upon the Wicked Stage” with the Kit Kat Girls from Cabaret at a benefit…
…and Kendrick’s “Ladies Who Lunch” from Camp. Because duh.
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Skylar Astin (Jesse)
Where You’ve Seen Him On Stage Before: Spring Awakening introduced us to Lea Michele, Jonathan Groff, and John Gallagher, Jr. Now you can add Skylar Astin to the list of Spring Awakening actors who aren’t just ours anymore. He played Georg. You remember, the one obsessed with his piano teacher and her breasts? L.A. people, you might have seen him as Mark Cohen in the Neil Patrick Harris-directed Rent at the Hollywood Bowl opposite Aaron Tveit.
Where You’ve Seen Him On Screen Before: Astin has some film credits, including Hamlet 2 with fellow Spring Awakening alum Phoebe Strole. He was also in his underwear in Girls. Sadly, none of those roles gained him a mainstream following. We’re guessing that’s going to change now that he’s the romantic lead.
Why We Love Him: He can sing, he can dance, he’s damn cute, and he’ll always be the guy with the funny hair in Spring Awakening to us.
Our Favorite Clip of Him: Here’s a throwback for you. The cast of Spring Awakening, featuring Skylar, singing “Touch Me” on The View in February 2007. Look at how young they all are!
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Anna Camp (Aubrey)
Where You’ve Seen Her On Stage Before: Remember when Camp played Jill Mason in Equus opposite Harry Potter? Yeah, we didn’t either until we looked it up, but she was the naked person in that show who wasn’t Daniel Radcliffe. (What can we say? Our eyes weren’t really focused on her.) Before that, Camp was on Broadway in The Country Girl with Morgan Freeman, Peter Gallagher, and Frances McDormand. More recently, she was the bright spot in that awful Zach Braff-penned play All New People. She was hilarious, but man, that show sucked.
Where You’ve Seen Her On Screen Before: Everywhere. On film, she played Jolene French in The Help. On TV, she’s had memorable guest arcs on almost every awesome show out there. True Blood, Mad Men, The Office, Glee, Covert Affairs,The Good Wife, etc. Currently, you can catch her as a regular on Fox’s The Mindy Project.
Why We Love Her: Camp may look like a real life Barbie doll, but she brings a level of sophistication and intelligence to all her roles that makes her beauty all that more interesting. And damn if she’s completely different in each one of them, too! Simply put, she’s an actress that demands your attention.
Out Favorite Clip of Her: Nothing out there of her stage work, so let’s just watch this clip of her hot appearance on True Blood. Neither of us sleep with women and even we’d hit that.
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John Benjamin Hickey (Dr. Mitchell)
Where You’ve Seen Him On Stage Before: Most recently? As Felix Turner in 2011’s The Normal Heart, which won Hickey a Tony Award for Featured Actor in a Play. But Hickey’s had a slew of other roles. 2009’s Mary Stewart (Earl of Leicester). 2002’s The Crucible (Reverend John Hale). 1998’s Cabaret (Clifford Bradshway). He even originated the role of Arthur Pape in 1995’s Love! Valor! Compassion!
Where You’ve Seen Him On Screen Before: A billion small parts in big things (Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, The Taking of Pelham 123, Flags of Our Fathers, Flightplan, The Ice Storm, etc). Most notable starring roles including the film version of Love! Valor! Compassion!, a recurring guest gig on Law & Order and The Good Wife, and a supporting role on The Big C (he plays Sean, Laura Linney’s character’s brother).
Why We Love Him: Because we can still remember every second of his passionate, brilliant performance in The Normal Heart. He’s also got that sexy smart nerd thing going for him, which we can’t get enough of. Plus, he’s an openly gay actor working in Hollywood who’s not typecast out of the straight roles. And fun fact: he may be in a longtime relationship with Modern Family scribe Jeffrey Richman, but did you know he used to date Bravo’s Andy Cohen? That’s kind of hot, no?
Our Favorite Clip of Him: Sometimes we watch John Benjamin Hickey’s Tony win and acceptance speech and tear up. Just listen to the way Viola Davis says his name and try not to do the same thing.
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John Michael Higgins (John)
Where You’ve Seen Him On Stage Before: Higgins may only have one Broadway credit (2001’s La Bête), but he’s had a few off-Broadway parts, including Edward Albee’s Tiny Alice (at the Second State Theatre) and Paul Rudnick’s Jeffrey way back in 1994.
Where You’ve Seen Him On Screen Before: He’s part of that Christopher Guest crew, so changes are you’ve seen him in those films (Best in Show, A Mighty Wind, For Your Consideration). He’s also been in 100 other comedies, including Yes Man, We Bought a Zoo, Fed Claus, Evan Almighty, etc. You may have also caught him on his TV Land sitcom Happily Divorced (the one with Fran Dresher), or on NBC’s short-lived version of Kath & Kim. But true Higgins fans will remember back to 1996, when he played David Letterman in HBO’s The Late Shift. Ridiculous.
Why We Love Him: Because he’s hysterical, duh.
Our Favorite Clip of Him: Too many to choose from, but we’ll go with this scene from Walk Hard because you probably haven’t seen it before. Plus, his dancing at 2:50 is outstanding.
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Utkarsh Ambudkar (Donald)
Where You’ve Seen Him On Stage Before: Since Animals Out of Paper was at Second Stage Uptown, you might have missed it, but if you did see it, Utkarsh Ambudkar probably won your heart. It also starred another Craptacular favorite Jeremy Shamos and was written by Rajiv Joseph. You can actually see UTK on stage right now at Second Stage, where he’s starring in Jon Kern’s Modern Terrorism through November 4.
Where You’ve Seen Him On Screen Before: He’s done some TV and film work, including Rocket Science with Anna Kendrick and Spinning Into Butter with Sarah Jessica Parker.
Why We Love Him: He’s totally engrossing to watch on stage. He can do comedy and drama. And he’s adorable.
Our Favorite Clip of Him: UTK is also a member of the improv hip-hop troupe Freestyle Love Supreme with other people you’ve probably heard of, including Lin-Manuel Miranda. Check out UTK with FLS at Broadway in Bryant Park.
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David Del Rio (Kolio)
Where You’ve Seen Him On Stage Before: If you caught In The Heights back in 2010 (that’s the Corbin Bleu era), chances are you saw David Del Rio as Sonny.
Where You’ve Seen Him On Screen Before: We missed this, but apparently he starred as Felix in the Nickelodeon series The Troop. You probably missed it too – The Troop only had one season.
Why We Love Him: We don’t know much about him yet, but he’s pretty darn cute. And whatever, we’re suckers for guys named David.
Our Favorite Clip of Him: Check out Del Rio and the cast of In the Heights on The Wendy Williams Show.
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Freddie Stroma (Luke):
Where You’ve Seen Him On Stage Before: Probably nowhere. He studied at the National Youth Theater, so we’re going to assume he did some theater in the UK. But we’ll just take this opportunity to ask some producer to bring him and his abs to the New York stage.
Where You’ve Seen Him On Screen Before: He was the best part of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince as Hermione’s love interest Cormac McLaggen. He also appeared in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and starred in A Cinderella Story: Once Upon a Song.
Why We Love Him: His abs. His pretty face. He also has a neuroscience degree, so he’s smart and sexy.
Our Favorite Clip of Him: Skip to 0:32 in this scene from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince for the single greatest moment in any Harry Potter movie.
They say the first step in the grieving process is denial. If that’s true, then we’ve been grieving the closing notice of Peter and the Starcatcher (announced late Friday afternoon)for months now.
See, the thing is, we just didn’t want to see it coming. Peter and the Starcatcher was never a box-office champ. In its opening week (week ending 4/15/2012), the show nabbed $310,236 at 89.3% capacity. That’s pretty decent for the 1,064 seats at the Brooks Atkinson, but it represented only 44.53% of Peter’s potential gross. Despite critical raves for the show, both gross and capacity dropped the following weeks ($286,477 for the w/e 5/06/12, 62.3% for the w/e/ 4/29/12). It looked like Peter wasn’t meant to fly.
But then Tony nominations came out, and Peter, like most nominated shows,saw a steady build in momentum. Fueled by nine nominations and five wins, Peter had a record week on 7/01/12, with a gross of $687,525 and 95.8% capacity.
Unfortunately, that week was also the last week of Christian Borle’s Tony-winning turn as Black Stache. Once Borle departed, the box office started declining again. Capacity since then has averaged about 70%. Grosses have dropped consistently for 9 of the past 12 weeks. This past week, Peter and the Starcatcher had a $46,303 increase in gross and a 5.9% increase in capacity — maybe because audiences are realizing they have limited time to see it — but it still only took in $340,839 at a capacity of 68.6%.
Still, all this time, it didn’t feel like Peter and the Starcatcher was going anywhere. The show was such a critical darling that we really hoped the mediocre box office take… well… wouldn’t matter. The show has Disney backing it. Surely they could stand to lose money for the greater good, right?
What did we tell you: denial.
Alas, we’ll have until January 20 to catch Peter and the Starcatcher on Broadway (a national tour will begin in August). If producers are wise, they’ll find a way to get Christian Borle back in for a few weeks before closing, to let the show go out on a win.
People we love? Gingers. Cute British boys. Silver foxes.
People featured in this fall’s Moises Kaufman production of Ruth and August Goetz’s The Heiress? Jessica Chastain, Dan Stevens and David Strathairn – a ginger, a cute British boy, and a silver fox, respectively. You could say our interest has been piqued.
We hope yours has, too, because we have a pair of tickets to give away to you, dear readers.
Entering is easy. Just make sure you follow @thecraptacular on the Twitter, then tweet (or RT) this little phrase we’ve dreamed up. We’ll randomly select a winner this Thursday. Get ready for it.
Gingers and Brits and Silver Foxes, oh my! Can’t wait to win tix to @TheHeiressBway from @thecraptacular. RT and follow to win.
It’s one of our favorite theater moments ever — the one wherein Gavin Creel stepped onstage in Thoroughly Modern Millie, sang about four notes and made us fall instantly and madly in love with him and his golden pipes of magnificence. Ever since then, we’ve been more or less obsessed with his handsome, exceptionally tall self in more or less everything he’s done including a role that we may never actually see him play: Elder Price in The Book of Mormon. Why won’t we ever see it? Well… have you ever tried getting tickets to The Book of Mormon? Yeah, well… yeah. Here’s a small tribute to Gavs, featuring our absolute favorite Creel-related YouTube videos, including his semi-duet with Aaron Tveit, his solidly breathtaking turn as Melchior Primo in Spring Awakening, and his take on a Next to Normal song… before it was a Next to Normal song. We’ve also included his famous underwear dance, and his bleary backstage Tony Awards interview with Andrew Rannells from a few years ago. Just for fun. Or just because those things are absolutely necessary for your health and happiness. Enjoy!
1. “Corner of the Sky” from Pippin at Sirius XM
2. “Where Do I Go” with James Rado & Galt MacDermot on Theater Talk
3. “I’ve Been” from Next to Normal at Joe’s Pub
4. “Bohemian Rhapsody” with Tom Kitt & Aaron Tveit at Joe’s Pub
Alright, team. We’ve got some tickets for you! A voucher for a pair of tickets to see Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf sometime in the month of October (or early November!), to be exact.
We’re enthused about this giveaway, not just because the show has the best art this side of Andrew Jackson’s ass – it’s a whiskey bottle, yo! — but also because, well, it’s one of the most important pieces of American dramatic work we can even think of. Plus, this incarnation is starring Tracy Letts, who is hot in the best, nerdy-professor kind of way, which is kind of our favorite.
Want to win? Entering the contest is pretty simple. First, make sure you can be in New York City to redeem your voucher before November 4th. In other words, clear your calendar, bro!
THEN, make sure you’re following The Craptacular and tweet (or RT) the following fantastic phrase:
I’ll be beside myself with jealousy if I don’t win tickets to @WoolfonBroadway from @thecraptacular, won’t you? RT & follow to enter.
We’ll choose a winner on Monday, October 1st and notify you via Direct Message.
You have to kind of hand it to The Gershwins’ Porgy and Bess. Going into last season, the show — which closed Sunday, September 23, 2012 after a total of 293 performances and 28 previews — was pretty much an underdog. It’s one thing when Michael Riedel is crucifying you in The New York Post, but when Stephen Sondheim is writing an open-letter to The New York Timeslambasting you? Gurl. That’s when you gotta worry. Still, despite the negative press during previews and lukewarm opening night reviews, The Gershwins’ Porgy and Bess held onto a steady box office throughout its 10-month run. Plus, it fucked just about everyone’s Tony pools when it it won the goddamn Tony for Best Revival of a Musical, which is no joking matter in these parts.
Why, Porgy even grossed more money during its closing week than it did during its opening week – a feat most shows can’t claim. Closing week (w/e 9/23/12)? A total gross of $891,566 at 86.9% capacity. Opening week (w/e 1/15/2012)? A total gross of $853,017 at 90.3% capacity. Sure, Porgy was down just over 3% in capacity, but that’s not such a bad thing when you consider that it also means their average ticket price increased over the course of the run. In January tickets were averaging $87.54. Closing week they averaged $96.06. Just to put that in perspective for you, War Horse had an average ticket price of $115 around its opening. Now, it’s stuck at an average ticket cost of $75.83. Not many shows manage a ticket cost increase toward the end of a run. The Gershwins’ Porgy and Bess did just that.
Of course, every week wasn’t an up week – and like every show on Broadway not named The Book of Mormon, Wicked, or The Lion King – Porgy certainly had its down weeks. In fact, for the majority of its run Porgy was pulling in a capacity in the 53-63% range. (Its lowest week ever? The week ending 4/01/12, when it brought in 48.3% capacity). But interestingly enough, the average ticket price slightly increased each week. And, while it never grabbed full capacity of the Richard Rodgers, Porgy’s box office performance was still enough to grant the show two extensions.
Ultimately, we think The Gershwins’Porgy and Bess‘ survival — nay, success — in a tumultuous season is an applause worthy feat. Now, quick, someone find a new musical for Audra and Norm, stat!
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Grosses are provided courtesy of The Broadway League. Click here to read this week’s complete list of grosses.
Every fall we Broadway fan types gather in Times Square to peruse/purchase all kinds of crazy, theater-related shit that other Broadway fan types need to get rid of. You know, t-shirts for shows that have closed, musty Playbills from 1943, wigs that may or may not have lice. Sure, roaming the crowded tables on 44th Street kind of makes you wonder if there is a distinct correlation between loving theater and being a hoarder. But it also makes for a damn good Sunday afternoon of star-gazing and catching up with friends, plus it makes a ton of money for a worthy charity.
This year I kept an eye out for the best and brightest moments to report back on. You know, between futile missions for Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson memorabilia and fist-fights with strangers for free copies of Tick, Tick… Boom. Read on below for a few of my favorites…
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Favorite Star Sighting
Reeve Carney, wearing a completely hiptarded outfit—skinny pants, a shearling-lined, red and black buffalo plaid hoodie, and , marbled, water-color, pointy-toe boots—and running through Times Square toward the Bank of America, only to be thwarted by the door. Apparently Reeve’s card-swiping technique was not good enough to convince that door to open. Unfortunately, before I could offer to help, a handsome stranger swept in. I only hope that stranger appreciated the fact that he was rescuing Spider-Man.
Best Dressed
On the absolute opposite end of the sartorial spectrum, I ran into former interview subject Jeremy Shamos while he was wandering Shubert Alley. Awesomely clad in narrow green pants and a purple checked shirt—seriously you guys, it was so badass—Shamos told us he was visiting the flea market for the first time ever while on his way to rehearsal. You know, for that little play he’s starring in with Al Pacino and Bobby Cannavale. NBD, y’all, NBD.
Cutest Moment
Speaking of clothes. Broadway Impact had a rack of costumes from the Broadway production of Hair for sale. Perusing the rack beside me? Costume designer Michael McDonald. Very meta. The best part of this sighting, of course, was the terribly cute exchange between McDonald and the young staffer who did not recognize him.
Quote of the Day
“Spend the night with Nick Jonas!” which was being shouted by the guy hawking How to Succeed pillows with Nick Jonas’ face on them. Don’t worry, I bought one. And in uncharacteristically ladylike fashion, I’ll be keeping the details of our first night together to myself. Sorry.
Most Subtle Appearance
Perez Hilton rolled up all calm, cool and collected and with very little fanfare. It was pretty sweet. It does, however, seem possible that Perez, now starring in Newsical: The Musical, has actually lost a little bit too much weight. Sure, he looks svelte. And we’re sure he’s feeling much healthier these days, which is always a good thing. But homeboy also looks like his head is a bit too big for his body now, and I mean that physically, not metaphorically.
You know that awesome moment when you first get a new cast recording home and turn up the volume? When you’re finally hearing the songs that have previously only existed in your memory, and you are so fucking happy you’re belting the lyrics like you’re actually some kind of star?
Turns out the real stars like to do that too. Know how I know?
Because last night I went to a listening party at 54 Below for the Carrie cast recording, where I watched the actors bounce up in their seats and sing along to their solos, applaud each other’s fierce performances, and generally act just like any other theater fan. Only, of course, they’re not just theater fans. They’re just sliiightly more important than that.
Before anyone pushed play on the album, Ted Chapin—head of the Rogers & Hammerstein organization—stood on the stage and spoke about how this recording would be a part of the legacy of Carrie. Of the entire show and its place in our collective memory as theater fans and artists. It was pretty cool concept to consider.
Know what else was cool? Watching the young cast—chock full of theater’s next-big-things—kick back, have some awesome themed cocktails, and hang out with their friends. Besides cast members who you’d expect to see, like Andy Mientus, Molly Ranson, Marin Mazzie, Derek Klena, Ben Thompson and F Michael Haynie, I spotted Laura Osnes, Celia Keenan-Bolger, Adam Chanler-Berat, Meghann Fahy, Jenn Damiano and Wesley Taylor circulating about. For a hot second, I chatted with composer Drew Gasparini and actor/book-writer Alex Brightman about the new serial-killer musical they’re working on called Make Me Bad. And I snagged an extra copy of the cast recording to give away to one lucky reader.
Want to win? It’s pretty easy. Just make sure you’re following us on the Twitter, then tweet (or re-tweet) the following message:
I want to get carried away with a copy of the new Carrie cast recording from @thecraptacular. RT and follow to win!
We’ll pick a winner Monday and get that cast recording on its way to you ASAP. Sorry we can’t send the cast along with it.
Tonight Jake Gyllenhaal—he of the beautiful blue eyes and frequent epic facial hair—opens the off-Broadway play If There Is I Haven’t Found It Yet at The Roundabout’s Laura Pels Theatre. Before the reviews come in, we decided to imagine Jake in a handful of other important stage roles—all of them musicals, because that’s how we role—and then, share our imaginings with you. Jake might kind of suck at some, or just be weirdly cast in others. But we dig ‘em, and we’d pay money to see him take on any one of these, any day of the week because even if turned out to be the crappiest, it’d still be kind of spectacular. In other words, it’d be craptacular at worst, and we think that’s kind of the best.
Inspector Javert, Les Miserables
Imagine it now. That big, strapping military coat with those impressive lapels on Jake Gyllenhaal’s beautiful chest. It’s quite the visual, right? It just seems perfect. Plus, we know he can grow the crazy ass sideburns, or whatever facial hair the character calls for. Can he sing it? Who the fuck knows. He doesn’t look like his voice is all that deep. But maybe we can just station Norm Lewis off-stage with a microphone and Jake can lip-synch. That can’t be beyond his acting prowess, can it?
Curly McLain, Oklahoma
Okay. So this role is way less booming baritone-y than Javert, right? So Jake might be able to make it happen! And besides all that, being beautiful is pretty clutch for any potential Curly and that is Jake’s absolute finest skill. Plus, homeboy kind of looks like a corn-fed farmer. And one of his most famous roles ever was as a rancher in Brokeback Mountain, which is not exactly the same (we know, we know, we have seen Oklahoma), but we feel like it was good preparation anyway.
Claude Hooper Bukowski, Hair
It’s kind of hilarious to imagine Jake with that Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time hair back on top of his head, wearing some ripped up bellbottoms, singing about drug use and being vulnerable and confused, right? Like Donnie Darko, except less creepy-sci-fi and more hippy-drug-addled. Maybe we can even work a bunny costume into the mix in one of the Act II trip scenes for him. In any case, we’d kind of love to watch him be torn between Sheila and Berger and we bet he could break out hearts at the end.
Fabrizio Naccarelli, The Light in the Piazza
Tall, dark(ish) and handsome? Check! Looks good without a shirt on just like Aaron Lazar/Steven Pasquale/Matthew Morrison? Check! Able to carry the romantic lead? Check! Sounds pretty perfect to us.
Daniel “Rooster” Hannigan, Annie
Smarmy would-be criminal with a really, really bad mustache played by Jake Gyllenhaal? Comedy gold. Also, The Mick volunteers to make like Annie and curl her hair before letting Jake Rooster actually kidnap her. Step aside, children. Leave this one for the adults.
