the craptacular

The following is a brief excerpt from our list of Top Most Loved Things of All Life (In No Particular Order):

• Shakespeare
• Cute Boys
• Beer

So you can imagine our delight this past Saturday afternoon when ShakesBEER combined all three of those things in one beautifully intoxicated package.

For those of you who aren’t in the know, ShakesBEER is New York’s original Shakespeare Pub Crawl.  It’s also a pretty friggin’ badass way to spend four hours on a Saturday afternoon.  Your ticket buys you admission, four beers at four bars, and four wonderful scenes from Shakespeare’s canon, acted by some wonderful actors (among them, some seriously cute boys).

Watching actors materialize from in your midst and climb on bars and banquets to perform is pretty fun.  Watching the reactions of random bar patrons who did not turn up for theater is even more fun.  It’s also probably one of the most interesting and authentic ways we can think of to introduce n00bs to The Bard (seriously, we brought a Shakespeare neophyte along and she had a great time).

By 7pm, Lucky and I rolled out of Amity Hall solidly intoxicated and pretty high on life and theater.  We’d laughed, we’d… okay, we hadn’t cried.  But we had hooted and hollered at some awesome/handsome actors (hello, Harry Barandes).  Oh, and did we mention Craptacular favorite, Vince Gatton, was there?  His scene—performed at the third bar—was a “Remix” of bits and pieces of several of Shakespeare’s most famous pick-up lines, and it was a serious highlight.

If we didn’t already have plans, we’d be going back next Saturday, July 30^th.  We think you should check it out in our stead.

PS. Keep your eyes peeled. Besides featuring some cute actors (again, hello Harry aka, Iago), that video also features… Lucky and The Mick. See if you can spot us.

Video: Paul Docherty

It’s been happening for years, but never has the trend been more pronounced than it is right now: TV execs in Hollywood have figured out that Broadway is a talent goldmine. In fact, they sit in their high rise offices every single day, rubbing their palms together, thinking of ways to lure Cheyenne Jackson, or Raul Esparza, or Audra McDonald away from you, dear theater fan, forever.

We had high hopes for two shows in particular this season, simply because they’re chock full of theater stars — Smash and A Gifted Man. We’re seen both pilots. Here’s our take…

Smash

Smash was bound to happen. It’s the Glee-for-grownups show that everyone knew would come eventually, the moment someone figured out that a major chunk of Glee’s audience was over the age of 12. Produced by Steven Spielberg and directed by Michael Mayer, the pilot shows us two women (played by Megan Hilty and Katharine McPhee) duking it out to play Marilyn Monroe in a new musical. We see the two progress through the audition process, and performing for the show’s motley crew of creators, who disagree on who should play Marilyn. The songs are incorporated as they are in Glee — both within the context of the “show” at hand (in this case, the Marilyn musical), and outside of it. So yes, the characters do randomly burst into song while they’re in their bathrooms putting on makeup and stuff. It’s carefully handled, and works well. It’s like… a real musical. In fact, the show’s final moments have that familiar characters-on-the-brink kind of thrill, a feeling that isn’t easily found outside the theater. It’s fun, too, to watch Christian Borle and Debra Messing as the over-the-top writing team, and Angelica Huston as the sotto-voce producer, whose power marriage is on the rocks.

Disconcerting, however, is how easily the show falls into stereotype. The bubbly blond vs. smoldering brunette thing may hearken back to old Broadway archetypes, but the conceit itself gets old after about 15 seconds. Same goes for the very gay composer, and for his colleague, the librettist who’s torn between work and being a mom. (Can she really have it all? Dun dun.) If the show can add some nuance under those broad strokes, Smash could be pretty fabulous. Honestly, though, we’ll probably watch it anyway. God knows, we still watch Glee.

A Gifted Man

With a likewise heady pedigree (It’s directed by Jonathan Demme), comes A Gifted Man. You may also know this as “That show starring Patrick Wilson.” And yes, it does star the deeply handsome Mr. Wilson as a surgeon (believable) who reconnects with an old love (also believable), only to realize a couple of days later that she’s dead (wtf). I mean like, she was dead before he saw her. Yeah.

So, the concept is dumb. But. There’s something weirdly affecting about this show, and it’s mostly to do with the performances. Patrick Wilson does that miraculous thing here where he actually brings some real dignity and pathos to less-than-stellar material. (Barry Munday? Anyone?) He’s also perfectly cast, which helps. Dr. Michael Holt is a great surgeon, but he’s callow and superficial. When his dead ex turns up, his questioning feels panicky and real. And Jennifer Ehle, as the ex, doesn’t even need soft blue emulsions of light to be resplendent, in this show or anywhere else. All she has to do is smile and you get why Dr. Holt is freaking out on six different levels. And hey, if we can’t have these two on Broadway, turning on the TV once a week doesn’t seem like such a sacrifice.

Steel Burkhardt
Big freaking surprise here, right? The Mick loves him, we know this. But this summer (of love) he’s back on Broadway in Hair, and, dare we say it… giving his Broadway predecessor, Will Swenson, a run for his money. Also, he’s ridiculously beautiful, has a sick body and an awesome tattoo, and apparently he even smells really, really good. There is literally no downside, here. Get into it.

Andrew Rannells’s Twitter
We see what you’re doing over there on Twitter, Andrew Rannells, with all your sly humor. His observations — on everything from meeting Oprah to finding Lea Michele’s graffiti under his dressing table — get the one-eyebrow-continually-raised treatment, and it’s hilarious. Follow him. And you might as well watch his Twitter, because you can’t get tickets to his show.

Getting Wasted on Frozen Lemonades at Blockheads
Sure, there are lots of great shows happening at New World Stages right now — including Rent and Avenue Q — but our favorite thing about World Wide Plaza is happening outdoors. There is no better way to while away a sunny afternoon (or evening) than camped out on the plaza at Blockheads, downing their blissfully strong and cheap frozen drinks and people watching. Just make sure you wear sunblock. You might not be feeling much after a few vodka spiked frozen lemonades, but your hangover will be bad enough without the sunburn.

Broadway Shows that Aren’t On Broadway Yet
Who needs Christian Bale? OK, fine. You do. But the promise of a staged Newsies has left us breathless with collective anticipation since we were 10 years old. That’s a long time to wait. So you can imagine our pent-up excitement over the Papermill Playhouse production, which opens in the first weeks of September. Bonus points: Jeremy Jordan is playing Jack. Also opening out of town, Diane Paulus/Susan Lori Parks’s production of a non-operatic (?) Porgy and Bess, which basically has the Greatest Cast of Any Musical of All Modern Times. Audra. Norm Lewis. Josh Henry. We are already on the train to Boston.

Aaron Tveit’s Thighs
There is only one thing on God’s green earth that could make us thankful for sweltering heat, and that is Aaron Tveit’s thighs. And bum. And general physique in a pair of shorts. So even if it means we have to continue seeing that particular pair of dreadfully acid-washed khakis, we say, “Turn it up!” Here’s hoping the temperature soars.

Broadway Stars on TV
Here’s the body count for the next few months: Patrick Wilson, Jennifer Ehle, Marin Ireland, Christian Borle, Megan Hilty, Brian D’Arcy James, Idina Menzel, Kristin Chenoweth and of course, Lea Michele. John Gallagher, Jr. left Jerusalem this week to film an Aaron Sorkin drama that’s anticipated for 2012, and we’re sure Hollywood execs will find more reasons to put Cheyenne Jackson on the boob tube, preferably in several shows at the same time. We’re obsessed. Now we just need to find someone who has a TV…

The Possibility of Seeing Jay A. Johnson Play Frank Abagnale Jr.
We love Aaron Tveit. We do. But secretly, we’re dying to see his understudy in Catch Me If You Can. After his luminous performance in Pool Boy at the Barrington Stage last summer, we just cannot wait to see what Jay A. Johnson will do with Frank Abagnale Jr.. Maybe Aaron could take a much-needed day off? You know, to stroll around outside looking glorious in his shorts? Rest assured, if and when he does, we will drop everything and sprint over to the Neil Simon to catch Jay’s sure-to-be-wondrous performance.

Reg Rogers
We called it last month. With two big roles at Shakespeare in the Park, Reg Rogers is basically the hottest thing happening on stage this summer. His ability to deliver Shakespeare’s tongue-twisting comedy, and to bring hilarious physicality to that comedy, is disgustingly, uncomfortably hot. You have to see it. No, seriously, get your ass over to the Delacorte before time runs out.

The Park Raccoon
It was maybe the best entrance of the season. Halfway through the opening night performance of Measure for Measure at Shakespeare in the Park, a fat, fearless raccoon strutted across the stage, right in the middle of the scene. The audience gasped. A star was born. And you know what happens immediately after a star is born, right? He gets a Twitter. @ParkRaccoon has been cracking us up with tales of his wanderings around the Delacorte Theater, his aspirations to fame and fortune, and what it’s like to wear fur all summer.

Gavin Creel in Pippin
Yeah yeah, it’s not happening. Not yet, anyway. But we’re fangirling the mere possibility that Diane Paulus will revive this sucker, thanks to YouTube videos showing Gavin singing the shit out of “Corner of the Sky” on Seth Rudetsky’s radio program. Amazingly, Gavin states on the video that the song is a bit of a musical theater cliché at this point. Well, not when you sing it like that…

What? Hair Summer of Love 2011 Opening Night, July 13th 2011

Where? The St. James Theater and Sky Bar

With whom? Jordan Roth, Oskar Eustis, Diane Paulus, James Rado, Will Swenson, Audra McDonald, Ato Blankson-Wood, Maya Sharpe, Sasha Allen, Allison Case, Theo Stockman, Lea Michele, Anthony Hollock, Megan Reinking, Jackie Burns, Ryan Watkinson

Talking Points

• Star Steel Burkhardt’s immediately identifiable parents—seriously, his father has the same hair, only…silver—strolled into the theater just behind us.  The best part?  They were seated in the front row, just so Steel could introduce them to the audience in the opening bit.  You guys! His Mom really was there! (And she grabbed his ass when he hugged her! Adorbs!)
• Jordan, crown prince of the family Roth, sat in the same row as us in the theater, and was looking dapper in a light suit, because that’s basically what he does besides running the world and having an awesome Twitter.
• Oskar Eustis was there, too. Looking exactly like Oskar Eustis.  You know, wearing a great suit that was almost completely eclipsed by his crazy lion’s mane of hair?  Like that.  It was hard to keep ourselves from following his every step, just so we could be always near the sound of his beautiful voice.
• So many tribe members! Aquarius, Starshine, Where Do I Go, oh my!  Sitting in the orchestra and watching members of past tribes filter in to fill the seats around us was really freaking awesome.  Watching them watch the show was even better… Former tribe members cheered on the new cast members in their tracks with extra enthusiasm, making for an even more amazing audience experience than usual.  And, alright, we confess to being sort of smushy about seeing new and old casts interact at the after-party.  Our hearts may have melted a tiny bit.
• How do you know you have an epic Broadway celeb sighting on your hands? The conversation goes something like this:

The Mick: There’s Theo Stockman.

Lucky: Alone?

The Mick: Nnnnope.

TV’s Lea Michele turned up on opening night with her boy, Broadway’s Theo Stockman, who was a member of the original tribe. They mostly kept a low profile, but Lea did take time to say hello to some (very!) enthused young fangirls and boys. They were no-shows at the afterparty. Wah wah.

• Our hearts and ovaries melted a little bit during the show’s curtain call when Caryn Lyn Tackett, who’s playing Sheila, jammed during the dance party with her wee little girl, who knew all the lyrics to “Let the Sunshine In”. Say it with us: Aaawwww.
• Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson bandleader – and Cutest Person of Life – Justin Levine turned up for the festivities. Besides being The Cutest Person of Life (Have you seen this boy’s eyes? Goodness.), he’s also more or less the most awesome young theater composer we can even think of. (Sorry Adam Guettel, you’ve graduated.) We only hope that Justin’s next Broadway opening night party is for his own show.
• Director Diane Paulus hung out on the terrace at Sky Bar in her long dress, chatting it up and looking every inch the artist and hippy we like to imagine she is.  No, but seriously, she looked beautiful. And vibrant.  And ready to get Gavin Creel back on the New York stage.   (Okay, maybe that last part is wishful thinking. Ahem, Pippin.)  We want to be just like her when, and if, we grow up.
• It only took a few hours and several trips to the bar to make it happen, but, The Mick talked to Steel.  And she’s pretty sure she didn’t say anything ridiculously offensive. (He DID kind of set her up when he asked if there was anything he could to do make sure our post on the show was positive. But she managed to avoid the quicksand of perversion happening in her brain and instead… tactfully change the subject.)  Steel was lovely, and charming, and gave no indication that he was in any way terrified of her and her hyper-sexed dialogue on this website.  Another positive? This put the biggest, craziest, most un-sinkable smile on her face.  She even giggled like a schoolgirl.  Which gave Lucky the perfect opportunity to laugh at her for several minutes straight.

Photo: Joseph Marzullo

Tonight, the New York revival of RENT begins its off Broadway run.  The last time this musical appeared on the off Broadway stage?  Fifteen years ago, in January 1996, immediately prior to its April 1996 Broadway debut.

Despite our deep, abiding love for the rock musical that changed—and perhaps saved—our lives, we here at The Craptacular can’t help but wonder…

 Loading ...

Photo: BroadwayWorld.com

It’s happened twice now, at two entirely different kinds of performances. The first time was before a dodgy, early-January preview of Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark. The second was just this past weekend, at a concert staging of the new Duncan Sheik/Steven Sater musical, The Nightingale, at Vassar College.

Before both performances, a well-meaning member of the production staff got up, addressed the audience not about the show itself, but about what people were saying about the show. In the former case, a producer essentially asked the audience, among other things, to stop listening to all the negative press the show was getting, because it was clearly all a crock. In the latter, the audience was asked, point blank but in a way that was intended to be nice, not to blog or tweet or otherwise converse on the internet about what they were about to see.

The messages were different, but the goals in both cases were the same: to control the discourse about the show beyond the walls of the theater. Their logic, in both cases, was that the work onstage was new, in development, and somehow “unready” for critical analysis.

In light of that, I would like to beg everyone on earth who makes theater: Can we please just fucking stop this?

As an audience member. As someone who loves theater. As someone who has a head on my shoulders that is capable of independent critical thought. I’m positively begging. Because I don’t want to hear it anymore. Here’s why.

It’s wrecking my theater experience.

Pre-show instructions about how and when I am to discuss the art that I’m about to see is more than just a basic drag. It’s an imposition on how I think and communicate. I had my first blog when I was 16. I’ve been tweeting for four years. These technologies are part of the intrinsic fabric of my life. Artists have a lot to say about their “process.” These technologies are an integral part of mine.

To tell me not to blog is essentially telling me not to think. Or not to chat with my friends. It’s telling me to enjoy theater in a vacuum. It’s also telling me to enjoy art in a way that is only useful to the artist. At The Nightingale, the point was clear: The creators used the audience at Vassar to test new scenes and songs. The audience’s reactions to those scenes and songs helped to determine whether they’d stay in the show.

There’s nothing wrong with that. But please don’t act like my thoughts and reactions to the piece somehow belong to you and not me. Or, in the case of Spider-Man, please don’t assume that I’m incapable of evaluating the bad press—or understanding the preview process—for myself.

The other thing that gets in my craw about all this production-side audience intervention is that it destroys the basic fun of going to the theater. Theater is a dream. Musicals in particular, in the day and age when they’re competing for my entertainment dollars with broadband cable, a Katy Perry concert, and Six Flags Great Escape, offer the most precious and precarious kind of belief suspension. Please let me enjoy that without disclaimer or interruption, and in a way that lets the work—not the misguided fears of producers, or jittery PR departments—speak for itself.

That I paid for my tickets in both cases is important, but that point has been made ad nauseum and clearly theater producers don’t care. As Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark so beautifully illustrated, the show’s creators were happy to take your money and then blame you for the show’s failures. Check out Julie Taymor’s recent interviews for proof.

Here at The Craptacular, we do our best to only review shows that are open, and open to the public. In the few times we’ve breached that policy, we’ve done it carefully, and with more consideration than is probably necessary for a blog. That’s only fair, and is as much a part of critical formality as it is deference to artistic process. But in the case of The Nightingale, that may very well be the show’s loss. I know that our readers care a lot about a new Duncan Sheik musical. And who knows if this show will ever be produced anywhere else? Like most fledgling musicals, it may never get near a Broadway stage. Maybe this was our one chance to tell you something about it. Guess you’ll never know. (Unless you want to grab coffee this weekend…)

As a blogger and an audience member, I straddle a weird line. But this is the future of theater, baby, so all the producers and audience-dev types, all the PR mavens and the marketing gurus, I have a message for you: Get used to it. We are not going away. Your audience is only going to get louder, and savvier, and they will embrace the newest technology before you will.

You can’t control the message. Now stop waking me up from my sweet dream. This one in particular is pretty awesome. I mean, Michael Esper is in it…

Glasses are nerd shorthand for hot.

We have a little saying here at The Craptacular that’s crept into our daily lexicon: You can’t have it all. Unless you’re Cheyenne Jackson.

We developed this catch phrase as a response to the mediocrity of the universe, which seems even more apparent because Cheyenne Jackson happens to be in it. He can basically do everything important — sing, dance, act, look hot, and be witty and charming — all at the same time. This is no small feat. Aaron Tveit can only do like four of those things at once. Jonathan Groff? Maybe three, tops.

But Cheyenne is the whole ridiculously tasty enchilada. We personally celebrate his existence every single day — who else in our lives gets his own catch phrase? — but today warrants some extra special attention because it’s HIS BIRTHDAY.

Happy birthday, Cheyenne! We hope you’re celebrating in style — all while singing, dancing, acting, looking hot, and being witty and charming. At the same time.

Photo: Andrew H. Walker

If you were that close to Tveit's pecs, you'd be fistbumping too.

So. Saturday was Broadway Barks 13—the annual fundraiser/adoption drive/dating show that takes place in Shubert Alley, hosted by Bernadette Peters and Mary Tyler Moore.  It was loaded with cute boys, even cuter puppies, and honestly, it was completely crazypants.

In case you couldn’t make it out, here’s what you missed:

• Mary Tyler Moore was looking… plastic.  And between an offhand comment about enjoying watching her dogs ‘breed’ (TRANSLATION: BONE), calling someone a “stupid bitch” and snapping at the audience for giggling at her… she seemed hell bent on ruining my sparkly childhood memories of her fabulous spunkiness in Nick at Nite reruns.  I may never recover.
• By contrast–Sutton Foster! You are rainbows and sunshine all wrapped into one big-singing package and I adore you.  Cuddling abused 4-month-old puppy Owen to your chest, you were honestly the sweetest thing ever.  Like.  Sweeter than sweet.  Sweeter than a tiny baby bunny in a tiny angel costume.  I wanted to adopt you both.
• I maintain that world peace could be achieved if we just held an international summit at which Andrew Rannells cuddled a homeless puppy and pouted his pretty mouth.
• I do not currently have photos, but, rest assured, there is nothing on this earth more panty-droppingly hot than watching John Benjamin Hickey coo at a puppy, then pause to put on his nerd glasses to read. NOTHING.
• Okay. That’s lies.  Because Aaron Tveit was there in shorts. Damn him for being such a fucking perfect physical specimen.  It’s like a speck of dirt has never touched his person.  When he smiles his dazzling smile with his perfectly aligned teeth, a beautiful chink of light glints off them like in cartoons.  When he crouched down with beagle pup Louie, and his shorts rode up to reveal several additional inches of his fucking perfect quadriceps muscles, I almost had an orgasm in public in Shubert Alley. Every striation that… my god.  It’s cruel.  I just want to watch him do squats all day.  You know, while cuddling a tiny puppy.
• By the time the cast of Hair hit the stage, I was in trouble. My defenses were low and I knew it.  When Steel Burkhardt knelt down to cuddle a doofy, floppy, adorable Great Dane puppy named Raven, it was so amazing I almost couldn’t even look.  Like, my ovaries exploded and pieced themselves back together. Repeatedly. Easily six times in the four minutes he was up there. Days later there are still no words.
• Bernadette Peters and Mary Tyler Moore are fucking GENIUSES, y’all!  Geniuses!  Parade some hopelessly cute puppies across a stage with some ridiculously attractive men and women, have said attractive people coo and cuddle and generally lose their minds over hopelessly cute puppies, FIND EVERY SINGLE PUPPY A WONDERFUL HOME.  I’m sure there’s a mathematical equation that explains all this—the chain rule? algebra?—but like, it’s been more than a decade since I took math, so…yeah.  Whatever it is, Ms. Peters and Ms. Moore… I am impressed.  And I will be back next year.

Photo: Walter McBride

The weekend is heeeeeeah. Get out there and see a show! And then sit around and talk about all this stuff…