the craptacular

It’s happening. We’re less than 11 days away from The Craptacular’s first birthday party.  Which is technically several weeks late, as we are approximately 1 year and 2.4 weeks old.  But it’s all good.  We’re excited!

We’d love to have you come celebrate with us.  Bring your Significant Other.  Your Theater Buddy.  Your Hetero Life Mate.  Your press entourage. And if you happen to know anyone cute, be especially sure to bring them.  We’ll be taking photos.

The Pourhouse has great drink deals for us.  And we’re arranging prizes.  Plus you’ll finally see who we are (if you wily sleuths haven’t sorted that out already).

Major details are all in the snazzy invite above.  But we’d love you forever if you’d visit the Facebook Event we set up and let us know if you’re attending.  Check it out here. We cannot wait to celebrate with you.

Most of the new shows are finally going to enter previews in the next couple days.  We’re getting more rain and less snow.  And there’s suddenly a truckload of new stuff to talk about.  Yup.  Sounds like Spring is on its way.  Some thoughts on this week’s spring-y theater happenings, for your consideration:

• Riedel reports that advances for the Spring shows are uncharacteristically low, and in general the season is getting off to a very slow/quiet start.  We’re not surprised.  It’s hard to remember the last time we wrote expansively on a new show we’re stoked about. We even wrote about Wicked last week.  Now THAT is grim.
• The Book of Mormon‘s invited dress apparently generated much positive buzz on Twitter. Oh wait, that was just the show’s press team obsessively spamming our feeds with every positive comment about the show. For a performance that was not open to the public. That was attended by mostly friends and family. Our bad.
• Actor Tony Vincent is working on some tunes for a new album. We chatted with him this week about that, his post-American Idiot hair choices, the Great Wall of China, and the glories of being featured on an English postage stamp, among other things. Check out the full interview next week.
• Open casting calls for the first national tour of American Idiot, and Rent‘s off-Broadway run were announced this week. We’re guessing that lots of aspiring young Rogers will become aspiring young Johnnys simply by adding a studded belt.
• In other Book of Mormon news, Matt Stone and Trey Parker think Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark sucks. Our personal prayer? That their show provides a more timely—and edgier—perspective.
• So, Spider-Man is getting a co-director? Or not? Or a new musical supervisor? Or a book doctor? Not according to Julie Taymor and the show’s reps, who know nothing, have never heard of anyone, and have created a really awesome show…
• Speaking of Spidey.  Producers are complaining that it’s getting all the press.  Never fear, though, we have a suggestion for you: start reporting on injuries!  Judging from all the Spider-Man Injury Porn filling the press, the general populace has developed some real bloodlust.  We bet you have an injured dancer somewhere. You know, some broken fingers and toes, strained hamstrings… even some really bad blisters might do it.  Just find something you can dig up and exploit.
• Steven Sater’s Prometheus Bound, which stars Gavin Creel and begins performances tonight in Boston, will not have any weekend performances. Are they TRYING to keep us from seeing it? No, really. Are they?
• Billie Joe Armstrong saw Lady Gaga in concert this week, and she returned the favor by visiting American Idiot a few nights later. She forgot her pants, wore 6-inch platforms, and told the cast that, compared to them, she’d failed at being a musical theater superstar. All in a day’s work at American Idiot, where the crazier, more interesting show continues to happen offstage. We can’t wait to see what happens on Sunday, when Billie Joe Armstrong, Johnny Gallagher, and most of the rest of the cast departs.
• Christian Borle has been cast opposite Debra Messing in the pilot for NBC’s musical dramedy Smash, set in the world of musical theater.  File under: actual proof of our theory that Christian Borle became 10 zillion times more compelling to the universe after starring in Angels in America this season.

While the spring shows get ready to open, and we get psyched about seeing some faves on stage again, it seemed high time for me to purge some of my theater demons.  To confess, as it were, to you, our readers.  So, here we go.

I’ve never seen Wicked.  I know, I know.  But you love theater!  And cute boys like Aaron Tveit and Kyle Dean Massey!  And it’s been open for as long as you’ve been alive!

I just… haven’t seen it.  What’s more? I don’t really have any interest in, or intention of doing so.  Ever.  (Okay, I can envision one solitary circumstance which involves a much loved, muuuuch younger cousin who adores musical theater.)

This in itself probably isn’t all that interesting.  Lots of people haven’t seen Wicked.  Lots of people don’t care to see Wicked.  No, the amusing thing about this is that it drives my father absolutely crazy.  I shit you not.

Most people argue with their father about important things: relationship status, money, whether or not it is acceptable to leave the house in pants that look like that.  Me?  I argue with mine about Wicked.

My father’s ability to embrace things most grown men would never dare confess to loving—Sweet Home Alabama, crying at movies—is one of my favorite things about him.  But man, does he love Wicked (he’s even seen it on tour) and it seems to trouble him deeply that I outright refuse to see it myself.  Lately, when I’m home, the subject comes up just about as often as the number of items in my old bedroom he’d like me to dispose of.  The arguments haven’t involved shouting yet, but I mean…with the two of us, you never know.

I suspect our disagreement stems from a belief that I’m being a judgmental cultural snob by refusing to see a show that got bad reviews and has flying monkeys.  But I don’t look down on my dad for loving Wicked.  Honestly.  It’s just not my bag, baby.  Not my kind of show.

But there is the outside possibility that this disagreement is directly related to the fact that everyone (everyone) in my extended family—well, maybe excepting my mother and some genetically unrelated aunts—has to be right all the time.  And we constantly have to try and prove to each other just exactly how right we are.  So my dad needs to be right about how great Wicked is and how much I’d love it.  And I have to be right about…well, the exact opposite.

It remains to be seen if this argument will ever die, or at least cease to surface so frequently.    I’m probably stoking the fire just writing this.  But you never know.  In a moment of weakness I might go see Wicked some day, too.  Though, let’s be real, I’d never give anyone the satisfaction of admitting if I enjoyed it.

Lucky is in Barcelona.  I have a migraine.  The weather in NYC is still unseasonably beautiful and you should be outside enjoying it and not inside near a computer.  We’ll keep this short and sweet:

• Darren Criss came out to Out magazine this week… as straight. File Under: Totally liberating (his position) or totally pointless (ours).  You know, one or the other. At any rate, we couldn’t stop staring at his abs.
• Speaking of curly-haired brunette love interests in the cast of Glee. With The Groff coming back, there are too many of them.  This could get confusing. (We volunteer to take at least one off their hands, if you know what we mean…)
• In a conversation dated February 16^th, Lucky demanded John Gallagher Jr. book get himself a new show in short order.  Pretty sure he was listening, because the next day he officially joined the cast of Jerusalem. Needless to say, we’re excited.  Also, feeling kind of psychic/powerful.
• The internet is exploding with promo for all the shows about to begin previews.  Our favorites are any/all pictures in which it looks like Nick Adams’ biceps are going to tear right through his shirt, Incredible Hulk-style. (More here.)
• Last, but not least.  We love Laura Benanti and all. But why is the pilot of a show called “Playboy” being ordered by NBC?  Doesn’t Network TV’s lack of T&A sort of… negate the point of that show?

Green Day does this thing during their live shows. They pull someone up out of the audience and make them play the guitar, or sing, or playact some other type of rock n’ roll posturing. It’s sweet. And stupid. And the kids who get up onstage are always kind of lost and hapless, and in awe of the real rockstars surrounding them.

That’s how we expected it to be for Billie Joe Armstrong when he joined the cast of his own musical, American Idiot. Only like… the other way around.

Yeah, that didn’t happen.

Billie Joe, whose acting experience until now consisted of a single episode of a TV show called Haunted, and voicing himself in The Simpsons Movie, is like… a hell of an actor. If what’s happening on that stage can be called acting, and not, say, a mesmerizing coalescence of will, star power, and eyeliner.

Billie Joe turns a youthful 39 today, and happy birthday to him! We hope he’s doing something fun tonight to celebrate… oh wait…

But we’re guessing he wouldn’t have it any other way.

After a few long, quiet months in which half our favorite shows closed and Spider-Man was the only new thing to talk about—if you were willing to break the embargo, that is—The Craptacular is excited to be gearing up for the Spring Season (finally!).  This process involves a fair amount of exuberant conversation and lots of complex calendar wrangling/schedule bloodshed.  Besides our mangled schedules, though, there really is only one fly in the ointment—there are a handful of big shows this season we’re struggling to feel enthusiastic about, no matter what we do.  Below, a list.

Priscilla, Queen of the Desert
There are no new songs. The story isn’t original. Hell, Will Swenson’s not even in the ads. It’s not all Priscilla’s fault, but we can’t help but see this show as the poster child of a depressing Broadway trend—the 100% recycled Frankenshow. It has no real composer or score, and a plot where everyone knows the ending already. Don’t get us wrong. Will Swenson will get us into the theater. But for all the joy and fantastic good times this show promises, we’re having a little trouble feeling it.

Sister Act
The thing about Sister Act, all these years later, is that it’s still about nuns. It might have the greatest cast in the world, and the snappiest songs. But it’s still all-nuns, all the time. Maybe we’re in the minority here, but we can easily think of like 4,000 things we’d rather spend money on than a show about nuns. We’re excited about new Alan Menken songs, because we really do see ourselves as Ariel and Belle in human form and a girl never lets that go. But really, we just wish that Sister Act was about something other than nuns.

Wonderland
Something about Wonderland is so deeply unappealing there are just no words.  We care so little about this show that we had to go read stuff about it to even come up with some shit to say, and still, we got nothing.  So.  There you have it.

Book of Mormon
Maybe we’re just bitter that Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson didn’t survive a cruel January.  But we’re feeling like we’ve had enough mouthy stage satire this season, thankyouverymuch.  And then there were the (apparently unfounded) rumors that Cheyenne Jackson would lead the cast that never came to fruition leaving us with a cast full of…who, again?  While introducing a preview of the show, Trey Parker’s used Mick’s favorite, bizarrely offensive word (the c-word) and even that hasn’t fully shaken us from the Latter Day Saints funk we’re feeling.

That Championship Season
We can pinpoint the exact instant we lost interest in this show: the moment rumors of Liev Schreiber’s involvement were squashed.  Because for five hot seconds, Twitter exploded with the news that Liev would be starring alongside Kiefer Sutherland and our collective panties were in an enormous knot of enthusiasm for this show.  And then…no more Liev.  Sorry, folks, but we just cannot forgive the Liev bait and switch.

We’ve now officially eclipsed the one-year mark here at The Craptacular.  That’s right, folks, one full year of theater related snark and asking life’s important questions and ogling hot actors and talking about boners and… you get the point.

To celebrate, we’re throwing a party on March 11^th, so get that date in your calendars, y’all.  This is a be there or be square type situation.  We expect to see you all, because none of our readers are squares.

Here are the details so far.  There will be more in the next week or so.  Invite everyone you know!

What: The Craptacular Turns One

Where: The Village Pourhouse, Restaurant Row

When: March 11, 2011 beginning at 9:30pm

Why: You get to see our lovely faces, that’s why! Also, we’re going to give some shit away.

Love it or loathe it, everyone’s got something to say about Valentine’s Day. Even Lea Michele. Broadway.com recently unearthed this Spring Awakening-era video of her waxing on about all things romantic, and we couldn’t let it slide by without comment for a few reasons.

1. How Rachel Berry is that outfit?
2. The story about her first onstage kiss (with Gavin Creel in a Spring Awakening workshop, where she tried to shove her tongue down his throat) never gets old, or less ironic. Same goes for her comment that “Jonathan Groff loves this story!” We bet he did.
3. Her underlying awkwardness is, admittedly, kind of darling. And distinctly painful. See if you can get through this once without pausing it just to cut the tension, we dare you.

We’re so tired of talking about Spider-Man it’s beyond ridiculous.  And yet, here we are.  It’s like we’re drugged.  Which…come to think of it, doesn’t seem that impossible.  Maybe there’s something in the air over there at the Foxwoods…

• Speaking of drug use. When early reviews for Spider-Man exploded across the media world, the Producers were like, mad, and stuff.  Obviously the next logical step is to call all reviewers illegitimate and claim they don’t understand anything about pop-culture.  Cause that’ll really redeem your show!
• Theater loving Jets QB Mark Sanchez is allegedly dating at 17-year-old girl.  What are the odds he met her at the Next to Normal ticket lotto?
• Remember that time Ben Brantley decimated Spider-Man and then his name became a trending topic in New York City and you totally loved the place you live even more?
• Robert Sean Leonard joined the cast of Born Yesterday and suddenly, we got really interested in seeing it. Also, we got a lady boner. Or two.
• All our lives we’ve wondered “When is a review not a review?” This week, we got the answer.  When it’s posted @BroadwaySpotted, of course!  All kidding aside, though, while Spider-Man may be a pretty pointless show, it has raised some provocative questions about who’s reviewing what, when and where.
• Kathy Griffin is bringing her comedy to the Great White Way and the New York Times used the word ‘salty’ to describe the comedienne.  It is now my life’s goal to be described as ‘salty’ by the Times.
• Spider-Man is having another round of focus groups, though participants will only see either Act I or Act II, but not both. Some readers have expressed concern that viewers seeing only Act II will be confused. Fear not, intrepid focus group-ers! We can assure you nothing that happens in Act II makes sense even if you HAVE seen Act I.
• Cast Change is afoot at American Idiot.  We’ll be real sad to see nerd-crush John Gallagher Jr. leave.  Same goes for Michael Esper.  But we’ll probably survive.  Next question…will the show?
• Sandra Bernhard and Justin Bond are writing a musical with Jake Shears of The Scissor Sisters, which will debut at Joe’s Pub this March.  Yes.  That noise you just heard is the sound of every gay in Manhattan blowing their load.
• In other news, Spider-Man still sucks. And we’re not the only people who think so. Shocking.