1. Nick Jonas is cast as Marius in the West End production of Les Miserables. Teenyboppers finish screaming and immediately take a hammer to their piggy banks. Adults ask who he is again.
2. Alice Ripley announces her final Broadway performance date in Next to Normal and…wait a minute…the universe didn’t explode?
3. Marin Mazzie and Jason Danieley are tapped to step into the roles of Diana and Dan Goodman in Next to Normal. Every news outlet ever makes a point of noting they are married in real life. We make a point of wondering whether this pseudo-stunt casting will turn out well.
4. Steel Burkhardt is promoted to Berger and the Mick misses his first performance by mere days. I will still be bitching about this when I’m sixty.
5. Phantom of the Opera is being released to schools. Parents of teenage-theater geeks brace themselves for some really blood-curdling high notes from young Christine Daae’s, stock up on earplugs.
6. Hair announces that its final performance on the West End will be September 4, 2010. Fear grips our fan girl hearts—what does this mean for… well, you know what. And you had the same panic-stricken thought we did.
7. Nick Jonas is cast as—wait a tick…I listed that already, didn’t I? Forgive me. I’m just really distressed by this. He sings through his nose!
8. Zach Braff returns to the New York stage this summer in Paul Weitz’s “dark comedy” Trust. Thank God it’s not Garden State: The Musical.
9. Elaine Stritch and Bernadette Peters are said to be in talks to replace Angela Lansbury and Catherine Zeta-Jones, respectively, in A Little Night Music. This is awesome. Except. The show is closing on June 20th, so…
10. Rue McLanahan passed away at age 76. My childhood heart is sad enough that I can’t think of anything witty to say, but thanks to everyone on our Twitter feed, I’ll have “Thank You For Being a Friend” stuck in my head for days.
11. Bonus round, to be filed under: WTF Casting FAIL—Former Pussycat Doll and current Dancing With the Stars champ Nicole Scherzinger is cast as Maureen in RENT at the Hollywood Bowl. I’m sorry, was Lea Michele too expensive?