As the fall season bears down upon us there’s a lot on our minds. Like how we’re going to fit in all the shows we want to see while continuing to stalk Jonathan Groff around the island of Manhattan until he becomes our BFF. And all the awesome actors we can’t wait to see again, like Hunter Parrish leading the cast of Godspell and Harry Connick Jr., treading the boards in On A Clear Day. But despite all that awesome news we couldn’t help but think about all the other famous people we’d love to be seeing on Broadway right now. Below, a selection of the people we’d love to see…
A self-professed theater fangirl, Anne Hathaway seems like the perfect choice to star on Broadway. Every time Hollywood stages a show that requires singing and dancing, she’s their go-to girl. In fact, there were even rumors that she was slated to star opposite Sean Hayes in Promises, Promises in 2010, before Kristin Chenoweth’s name was in the mix. Anne’s upcoming gig as Catwoman in Dark Knight Rises might put a damper on her aspirations to the Great White Way… for the moment. But hey, if Daniel Craig can figure out how to star in Major Motion Pictures while giving tiny Broadway some love, we’re guessing that Anne can, too.
She could play: Lola in Damn Yankees, Velma Kelly in Chicago
Remember that time, before the whole world knew what a crazy mess Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark actually was, and there was this reading where Jim Sturgess played Peter Parker and for a hot minute you thought all your fangirl dreams were coming true? Yeah. That was glorious, right? Which is why Mr. Sturgess should be on Broadway. Also. He can sing, and he looks good in basically any kind of costume you can dream up, and he acts real good, and he has absolutely mesmerizing brown eyes, and…
He could play: We wouldn’t wish Peter Parker on our worst enemy, so… how’s about… Jude in our fantasy stage version of Across the Universe? Or any soulful, sensitive lover fighting to get his girl back.
There’s never a good reason why Hugh Jackman is not on Broadway. Handsome, big-singing, and capable of elevating even the most heinous material to workable decency, Broadway has never needed Hugh more. His one-man show in San Francisco in early 2011 had many speculating that he’d take it to NYC, but no one’s confirming a thing yet. In the meantime, we’ll just watch Oklahoma! on DVD and save our pennies. If A Steady Rain taught us anything, it’s that we’ll need a lot of patience to catch Hugh on stage again… and a small fortune.
He could play: Whatever the hell he wants
Sure, she’s too famous, and too hung up on her own thing right now. But give it a couple of years, and we don’t think Gaga will be too big for Broadway. Plus, if Billie Joe Armstrong, Dee Snider, Reba McIntyre and Sebastian Bach can put aside their rockstar personae and take on a character for a few hours a night, we’re guessing that she can, too. She has the pipes and the personality. And hey, maybe a really talented director could get her to speak like a normal person. Barring that, there’s always sung-through musicals. Here’s hoping.
She could play: Eva in Evita, Fantine in Les Miserables
This talented young Scot has some real theater cred already; he starred in Three Days of Rain on the West End in 2009. Now if we could only get him to cross the Atlantic for half a hot minute between blockbusters. Known for being an actual actor and not just cute and lucky, McAvoy would make a splash here, we think, given the right role. The only negative we can foresee is that it would be hard to see his pretty blue eyes from up in the balcony.
He could play: Youthfully idealistic lawyers, handsome young husbands
For those of you who saw X-Men: First Class and are also obsessed with Broadway (all six of you), you didn’t think we’d list McAvoy without Fassbender, did you? We’d never break their epic bromance up! Plus, Fassbender can fucking ACT HIS FACE OFF. In fact, we’d say he acts like Magneto moves bridges, which (in case you didn’t know) is like a BOSS. Also, once he directed, produced and starred in a stage adaptation of Reservoir Dogs, which is too badass for words. Plus he’s got an Irish accent, and ginger hair, and a rockin bod. And we’d like to see him on stage on this side of the pond stat.
He could play: Anyone in a Martin McDonagh vehicle, your mom, McAvoy’s boyfriend.
Why can’t you figure this out, Broadway? She sings like a dream. She’s beautiful. She’s an actual star. And yet Idina Menzel has not set a foot on Broadway since 2005. This woman went from creating the most iconic musical character of our times to various second-tier stupidity on Glee, and that’s not cool. It’s probably partly her choice. (There is the small matter of having a child and stuff…) But we’re guessing that no one has created a role that’s great enough for this great lady. We challenge some rockstar composers (Duncan Sheik, Michael Friedman) to get on that shit immediately. In the meantime, we’ll be listening to the Rent cast album and weeping for shame.
She could play: Cleopatra in the fake musical we just invented in our minds
Stop it. You stop rolling your eyes and groaning right this fucking minute. Because this is an AWESOME idea. And not because he’s famous or he was once in a band with his brothers that sold a lot of albums. It’s because Joseph Adam Jonas started out his musical career in… a Broadway-ified opera. Baz Luhrmann’s La Bohème, to be exact, where he was part of the children’s chorus. And that wasn’t an accident. He can sing. His acting is… okay, we’re not sure how well he can act on a stage. But there are plenty of roles where being cute and sort of vapid is useful. Like J. Pierrepont Finch—the one he’s rumored to be stepping into this spring.
He could play: Handsome, shifty young men like Finchy in H2$ or Fiyero in Wicked.
Last we saw Chasez act he was in MMC, and it wasn’t great. (Though come to think of it… he must be a good actor, since he pretends he doesn’t hate Justin Timberlake to death every single day of life…) But boy can SANG—his beautiful, powerful pipes could blow the roof off the St. James, or like… another big Broadway house 8 times a week, for sure. If we’re honest, though, we just want the chance to hear his lovely voice again (and again, and again, and again), and Broadway seems like it’s the only place that might happen any time soon. …Also, we’re pretty sure there’s got to be some way to work this amazing move into a musical. (Sort of like the BBAJ lap dance, only, with tongue.) So, quick, someone find JC a role and a pile of cash to tempt him into it! A big one!
He could play: Jesus, because he has the same initials. Or like… Radames in Aida? Or Andrew Jackson in a warp universe BBAJ that involves licking a girl every night of the week?