Alternate title: ALL CHAPS ARE ASSLESS, or, This is Not A Review of Terminator Too
What: Terminator Too: Judgment Play, first preview
Where: Santos Party House, a mix of nightclub and dirty rock venue, partly owned by Andrew WK
In Attendance: Writer/Producer/Director Thomas Blake, Composer Peter Sheik, Kacie Sheik, Gavin Creel, Steel Burkhardt, Jay A Johnson, Paris Remillard, Phyre Hawkins, Brandon Pearson.
- For reference, Terminator Too is… well, it’s a play. A funhouse mirror image of the 1991 film Terminator Two, amped up with extra gross-out humor and the kind of special effects you’d find at your local fundamentalist church’s Hell House. Terminator Too is what you’d get if you combined the downtown parody style of Silence! The Musical (without the music) with the audience interaction of Diane Paulus’ production of Hair.
- When you arrive at Santos Party House there are programs and ponchos up for sale right inside the door. Kacie Sheik was manning the merch table Saturday night, so, that sweetened the deal, but seriously… you need a poncho. Fake blood flies like the wind, and no one is safe from the glowy sticky stuff they shoot out into the crowd, either.
- In other words, don’t wear a crème lace dress like The Mick did on Saturday night. You’ll spend the whole night worrying whether or not your clothing is going to survive.
- Your ticket purchase also includes a can of beer. Don’t forget that! Booze only enhances the interactive experience. Just… finish it before the water guns come out. Or at least cover the mouth of the can during the show. We still don’t know what was in that glowy/sticky stuff we ended up covered in. We probably never will.
- The actor who plays the Terminator is… not an actor at all. He’s just a brave, hammy audience volunteer who is chosen by the audience after a short audition, which, incidentally, involves pushups.
- Saturday night, the winning volunteer was… drum roll please… Steel Burkhardt.
- That’s right. We got to watch Steel do pushups Saturday night—his form is impeccable, in case you couldn’t guess—which was a pretty pleasurable experience for The Mick, to say the least. (We can’t guarantee you’ll get to see Steel audition, sadly. But like… dudes doing good pushups are always hot, right?)
- The pushups were only the tip of the iceberg, btw. Because the Terminator’s costume consists of… Spanx shorts that make him look naked like a Ken Doll, and a leather jacket and chaps. And no, the chaps do not have ass coverage. You know why? BECAUSE THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS CHAPS THAT HAVE ASS COVERAGE. If the universe could stop redundantly calling them “ass-less chaps” we’d really appreciate it.
- Anyway. Steel walked around mostly naked for the entire show, and gamely read all his lines on cue cards provided by a very hot, scantily clad maid. He was also absolutely, devastatingly adorable trying to act for realz in a totally ridiculous role.
- Confession… funny things are even funnier when you can hear Gavin Creel in the audience chuckling/giggling/laughing out loud, too. No surprise here, but, even Gavin’s laughter is musical.
- After the show was over and we’d all discarded our gooey ponchos, everyone moved to the downstairs bar for more drinking and a bit of dancing under the flashy lights. We chatted with Jay Johnson for a hot minute, and not only does he remain the cutest person ever, but it sounds like we New Yorkers have a great shot at getting lots of Jay Johnson love on the Broadway stage this coming season, so get excited!