Tomorrow is Friday the 13th, y’all. Otherwise known as the day when Patrick Wilson’s new movie, Insidious 2, hits theaters. (Because one shitty horror film is never enough, gotta have that franchise!)
While Patrick is cashing his assuredly low-to-mid-millions paycheck, throwing it on the heap with the one from The Alamo and The Switch, we’re here in NYC, weeping. And compiling a list of things we’d totally light on fire and walk away from forever just to have his golden voice and stellar bod and beautiful soul back on the Broadway in a musical.
13. That other revival of Romeo and Juliet.
12. Sympathy for the Devil.
9. Josh Gad — Hollywood can keep him forever.
8. Soul Doctor and First Date AND Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark.
7. Andrew Lloyd Webber. (Unless he’s writing a musical for Patrick Wilson, in which case you can have Frank Wildhorn, which we understand is a paltry substitute. But we’re not giving you Boublil and Schönberg.)
5. 50% of our weekly intake of alcohol. (Sorry, 54 Below, you’re gonna need a new revenue stream.)
4. Little Children. Even though he was shirtless in it.
2. Bleeding enormous sums of money. Like, seriously. Our whole entire life savingses and then some.
1. Safe words. Because offering run of the mill sexual favors alone clearly isn’t enough.
Addendum to the list– Things We’ve Already Sacrificed as an Act of Good Faith:
1. Splash Musical Mondays.
2. This year’s Broadway on Broadway.
3. The integrity of the Into the Woods movie.
Photo: Da Man Magazine