the craptacular

So, I was off to London for a bit of vacation, and I was instructed to send word back to the Americas if I happened upon any particularly handsome gentlemen on the London stage.

Happy to report that there were a number of swoon-worthy fellas worth mentioning. Let the objectification begin.

Hadley Fraser

If there is anyone sexier singing and dancing on stage in London right now I don’t care because I saw Hadley Fraser in Richard Eyre’s production of The Pajama Game in Chichester, England.

Fraser convincingly played an American working-class stiff who is the superintendent of a pajama factory and falls for the smart, strong, and beautiful Babe Williams (Joanna Riding).

Whether he was gingerly unzipping Babe’s dress for a little hanky-panky (!) or dancing to a Latin beat during “Hernando’s Hideaway,” he smoldered. His megawatt smile made it clear that any resistance to his charms was futile. But I was unprepared for the pièce de résistance. In the show’s finale, he walked out onstage in white boxers and an open pajama top. He then proceeded to dance, and every ab and hair on his chest was on display for the blue-haired matinee crowd to see. SHUT THE FRONT DOOR. No one told me this was going to happen. Only the rows of elderly ladies between me and the stage stopped me from lunging for a touch. Ok, well, and maybe the fear of prison. Obviously, his singing and dancing talent is perfect for musicals, but we’ll be seeing him next in The Machine, which is slated for an off-Broadway run in September. He’ll be playing chess grandmaster Garry Kasparov. I’m assuming he keeps his shirt on in that…

Special skills: Singing, dancing, smiling, abs, being way more appealing than the Phantom ever was.
Follow him on Twitter @HadleyFraser

Ben Whishaw

Ben Whishaw reminds me of an older, wiser, slightly more tubercular Andrew Garfield—underfed, sad eyes, and you want to take ALL his pain away. As much as he looks bang-able, he also looks equally breakable. I caught the closing night performance of Ben Whishaw in John Logan’s new play Peter & Alice. Whishaw is well known on the London stage having played Hamlet at age 24 and for being the object of everyone’s affections in Mike Barlett’s Cock.

Watching Whishaw put his hand on his co-star Dame Judi Dench’s shoulder to comfort her during their tearful final curtain call made it clear why his gentle, understated way is so appealing. Whishaw’s depressed, shell-shocked performance as Peter Llewelyn Davies with greasy hair, fluttering eyes, and copious tears made me regret that this was the first time seeing him in a leading stage role. Ben, please come to Broadway.

Special Skills: Crying, dramatic acting, hair that gingerly falls in his eyes and you want to push it away so you can kiss him and make it all better.

Mark Umbers

That Frank. In Sondheim’s Merrily We Roll Along, Franklin Shepard can do a line of coke off a piano, spank his mistress’s bottom, and ignore his wife’s daggers, but the minute he wraps his arms around you, you forget all the reasons you were mad at him in the first place. Or at least you do when he’s played by the charming and affable Mark Umbers. Now, my friends know how much I love Colin Donnell. (I watched the whole season of Arrow, people.) I would not easily accept another Franklin Shepard, but Mark Umbers steps into the role and his magnetic charm almost makes me forget Mr. “One-Tear.”

Special Skills: Singing, losing yourself in his arms, sparkly blue eyes, ass you could bounce quarters off of.
Follow him on Twitter @MarkUmbers

Ashley Robinson

Ashley Robinson caught my eye last fall in the Menier Chocolate Factory’s Merrily We Roll Along before it transferred to the West End. I was wondering what this handsome random American was doing in the cast. I still don’t know, but I’m happy to report he has moved with the production to the West End. He plays Frank’s pal Tyler. Who remembers Tyler — the guy who invented the answering machine? I do, now that’s it’s played by Robinson. Robinson also originated the role of Jett Rink in Giant when it premiered at the Virginia Signature Theatre. And you can see he’s the type of guy who’d be oh so bad while he was trying to be oh so good.

Special skills: Singing, exporting his American talents to foreign shores, Franklin Shepard enabler

Adrian Lester

Once you’ve seen Adrian Lester’s Othello you understand why Desdemona would slip away in the middle of the night to elope with this military general who commands a room as soon as he enters it. Imposing, handsome, and sexy, Lester is riveting. Although there is a lot of speculation about who the new Dr. Who will be, many are hoping for Lester. A longtime stage and screen actor, Lester is bound for New York in 2014 in Red Velvet at St. Ann’s Warehouse, so you can check him out for yourself when he comes to town.

Special skills: Shakespeare, dramatic acting, ageless charm, BAMF
Follow him on Twitter @AdrianLester

Daniel Radcliffe

Break my heart why don’t you, DRad. First, I saw you were serious about making a stage career for yourself as you, spoiler alert, went about blinding horses in Equus. Second, you convinced grumpy old me to see How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, where you proved yourself a (suitable) song and (serious) dance man. And now you’re stomping on my ever-loving heart in Martin McDonagh’s excellent play The Cripple of Inishmaan. Damn you. And no matter how ugly they say you are in the play, I don’t believe it. You’re totally kissable in my book. Wait, how old are you? Can I even say that yet?

Radcliffe is funny, heartbreaking, and a seamless member of the strong ensemble. It’s a dark comedy and with his half shaved head, twisted arm and foot, he succeeds at making his character Cripple Billy sympathetic, even when he’s been a bit of a fecker.

Special Skills: Magic, eyes of crystal blue persuasion, Irish accent

Luba Mason, Chad Kimball, Director Kristen Sanderson, & Malcolm Gets

It’s NYMF time, y’all! That crazy few weeks every year wherein a whole truckload of new musicals set up shop around NYC to show us what they’ve got.

One of this year’s big shows? Julian Po, which stars Chad Kimball, Malcolm Gets (!), Jason Gotay, Luba Mason and Corbin Reid, to name a few, and is about a dude on his way to commit suicide who gets waylaid in a small, Midwestern town.

We’re seeing the show next Wednesday at 5pm, and lucky you–the show gave us a pair of tickets to give away to you, our readers. so you can see it too.

Like what you’re reading here? Into seeing Julian Po on Wdnesday, July 10th at 5pm? Entering our giveaway is easy.

Step 1 – Clear your calendar. This is a short run, and we only have tix for the 10th @ 5pm.

Step 2 – Make sure you’re following @thecraptacular on the Twitter.

Step 3 – Tweet (or RT) the following message:

Dear @thecraptacular, I’m dying for the chance to see @JulianPoNYMF, so puh-lease give me the tix! RT and Follow to enter.

Step 4 – Sit back and wait, have a cocktail, enjoy the holiday weekend. We’ll be pulling a winner next Monday.

Photo courtesy of the production.

So. Are you ready to join this madness? We bet you are. The Craptacular is seeing smart, dedicated, theater-obsessed, witty interns to contribute to this here web site. Here’s the deal.

1. You must be an engaging writer, or an engaging-writer-in-training.

2. You have to be in college. Really.

3. You have to love (LOVE) theater, and know it like you know the alphabet and/or your mom.

4. You must have a sense of humor about theater and about yourself. We are not prepared to argue with you about how Scandalous and Leap of Faith both closed too soon.

5. It would be nice if you were a journalism, marketing, writing, or performing arts major, but those things are not required.

6. It would be even nicer if you lived in New York City, or near another location that offers world-class theater of some sort, but that’s also not required.

7. You must be available on a regular schedule, several times a week, to do stuff. You must be able to get said stuff done in a timely fashion, while adhering to deadlines.

8. You must know how to do the social media thing like you were born with an iPhone 5 in your hand.

9. You must have a somewhat evolved sense of decorum, taste, and discretion.

10. Duties include transcribing interviews, organizing our very chaotic email inbox, keeping an eagle eye on developing theater news, managing and scheduling social media posts, some writing and editing, and attending/covering theater-y events.

If you just read that list like, WOAH THAT’S ME, HOW DID THEY KNOW?! then you should apply. Here’s what you do.

1. Send us a resume, brief cover letter, and some writing samples. For the writing samples, published is better than unpublished, but unpublished good writing is better than published bad writing. So send us your really good stuff. You dig?
2. Email it to: the.tacular@gmail.com.

There’s something to be said for shows that move you beyond words or spark debate. But sometimes, especially in the summer, you just want to leave a theater feeling nothing but joy. Luckily, the new musical Unlock’d, which opened last night at The Duke on 42nd Street, serves just that purpose.

Unlock’d is not a completely original musical, but you have to hand it to Sam Carner (book, lyrics) and Derek Gregor (music) for turning to Alexander Pope’s The Rape of the Lock for source material rather than another rom com or something. Basically, the show could be called Hair, because most of the characters are concerned with the adored Belinda’s (Jillian Gottleib) hair, either because they want to cut off a lock of it or they want to protect it. But you don’t need a convoluted plot summary. Here are the main things you will want to know about the show:

1) It’s cute. That’s the word my friend and I kept using when we were discussing after. It sometimes reminded me of the best Disney movies in that it’s family friendly with sweet love stories, but throws in adult humor.

2) It has a book that doesn’t suck. Carner combines verse and modern language for a clever book that offers the best of both worlds.

3) And the music, which also combines modern sounds like electric guitar with a more classic sound, doesn’t suck either.

4) Every show has its flaws. Belinda sings to her hair and when it sings back, at least by the third time, it’s a little much. The show probably wouldn’t be hurt by losing 15 minutes or so,either.

5) The whole cast charms. Gottleib has a lovely soprano voice and is perfectly ditzy. Sydney James Harcourt, as her suitor Baron Windsorloch, is like a dashing Disney prince. Jennifer Blood, as Belinda’s step-sister Clarissa, has to straddle the two worlds the most, as she is narrator and delivers all the verse, and she is more than up to the task. A.J. Shively, who I’ve long been a fan of, is adorably shy as bookworm Edwin, which makes his rage-y scene-stealing number “Out of the Bay” all the more satisfying.

6) It looks great. And I’m not just talking about the handsome boys. Amy Clark’s costumes are fun and colorful. David L. Arsenault and Wilson Chin do a lot with a little for the practical but appealing set. But again, this show is all about the hair and Leah J. Loukas’s wigs do not disappoint.

Photo by Richard Termine photographed at The Duke on 42nd Street

Venice. The new musical about an apocalyptic even that destroyed all the ugly people… Errr… The new musical steeped in Shakespeare and brimming with modern hip-hop sensibilities.

We’ve seen it. Twice, actually. But have you, dear readers?

If you haven’t, this is the giveaway for you. In fact, if you have, and you just want to see it a second time, or a twelfth time, or whatever, this is the giveaway for you too.

We have a pair of tickets to see Venice during its final week of performances at The Public next week. So if you’re in town, and you’re pumped to see some beautiful people sing some songs and tell you a story, here’s what you gotta do:

1. Follow @thecraptacular on the Twitter.

2. Tweet the following phrase:

I want @thecraptacular & @PublicTheaterNY to make me a #citizenofvenice with a pair of tix to see Venice next week! RT & follow to win.

3. Keep your eyes peeled. We’ll be picking a winner on Thursday afternoon.

Good luck, team!

When we saw last week’s news item about Alex Timbers working with Disney on a Muppet musical presentation we cried so hard we could barely read the full article through our tears. Because nothing–except the moment Aaron Tveit was cast as Enjolras in the Les Miz movie–has ever been so beautiful or perfect in this dark, sinful void we call reality.

Then, as our tears dried, we realized that like… Alex Timbers himself is kind of a muppet. All lanky limbs like Kermit, with Sweetum’ big shaggy head, bobbling on his beautiful shoulders. And after this totally reasonable, logical realization, we began re-casting Timbers’ shows with Muppets. Because duh. Below, the results of several fun hours of #Muppetcasting, which we totally hope becomes a thing.

Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson

Andrew Jackson – Kermit the Frog
Rachel – Janice
The Storyteller – The Swedish Chef
Calhoun – Sweetums
John Quincy Adams – Fozzie Bear
Van Buren – Beaker
Henry Clay – Sam the Eagle
Monroe – Gonzo
Bandleader – Rowlf
Lyncoya – Robin the Frog

Peter and the Starcatcher

Lord Leonard Aster – Bunsen Honeydew
Molly Aster – Miss Piggy
Mrs. Bumbrake – Beaker
Boy (Peter) – Kermit the Frog
Prentiss – Scooter
Ted – Fozzie Bear
Black Stache – Gonzo the Great
Smee – Rizzo the Rat
Alf – Rowlf
Fighting Prawn – Pepe the King Prawn

Love em? Hate em? Want to recast Hell House with Muppets for us since we never saw it? Hit us up in the comments, natch. 

Well. That happened. And not a moment too soon. If we saw another 2013 Tonys Predictions article we were going to projectile vom. Now, before we all start talking about our new favorite subject — the 2014 Tony Awards, natch — let’s pause for a moment to appreciate the show. The good, the cray and everything in between.

The Opener of Openers
Remember that time that the opening number of the Tony Awards was better than any single number in any musical in the actual Broadway season that preceded it? Yeah, that was last night, and Lin-Manuel Miranda and Tom Kitt wrote it, and Neil Patrick Harris performed it, and it was so good that it left us gobsmacked and teary-eyed, all before a single trophy had been handed out. With a cast that seemed like it was comprised of literally every actor on Broadway and rhymes like, “You can bounce a quarter off the ass of Billy Porter,” it was more than just a run-of-the-mill medley or a turnkey list of nominees designed to Teach America About Broadway. It was a razor-sharp homage to the state of Broadway right this moment, saturated with more inside jokes, backhanded compliments, and winking double entendres than there are in the whole first act of The Book of Mormon. If Smash was that good, and that smart, it would still be on the air. And host Neil? Forget Alec Baldwin. Broadway’s best ambassador is chosen and crowned, and he’s not even in a show.

Laura Benanti, National Treasure
The number where Broadway actors lamented their canceled TV shows was an easy win for the sheer force of the talent on stage. That it was a not-so-subtle, CBS-endorsed dig at NBC was just icing on the cake. Andrew Rannells channeled his best Elder Price – all cotton candy and battery acid. Megan Hilty seemed utterly freed from the ghost of horrible Ivy Lynn and her horrible wrap dresses. But no one rocked this segment like Laura Benanti. Flouting the empty-headed, silly-girl-in-a-pretty-dress stereotype that dogs so many attractive leading ladies, Laura busted out her best belt and her killer comedic timing to incredible ends. And with lines like, “Suck it, Will Chase,” – delivered as Will himself fake-snoozed in the front row – Broadway proves that it can poke fun at its foibles, and its privilege, without flinching.

Stark Sands Gives America the Eye
Stark Sands may have lost the Best Actor in a Musical Tony to his benevolent costar Billy Porter, but several million young women (and young men) in the viewing audience likely did not care, because of that wink. Delivered as his nomination was read, it was like the exclamation point at the end of the declaration that Stark Sands is the cutest human being ever! His obvious glee at seeing his costars and his show take top honors, and a gazillion other trophies, didn’t hurt things. We loved him already, it’s true, for all sorts of reasons. (Those eyes, though.) But Tony night anchors Stark Sands in our heart of fangirl hearts forever.

Patina Miller Triumphant
Laura Osnes won the Drama Desk Award and the Times predicted that she would win the Tony, but it was Patina Miller who came home with the prize. It’s not like we didn’t want Laura to win – she’s giving a fine performance in Cinderella – but Patina’s gutsy, ice-cold Leading Player in Pippin was our favorite performance of the year. We give the Tony voters props for not automatically opting for the warm and fuzzy – especially where a woman is concerned. Added bonus: Patina’s win gave us a good look at her showstopping blue-and-blush Zac Posen dress.

Jane Lynch Forces Us to Ponder What Could Have Been
We expected Jane Lynch would be good in Annie, no lie. But we’re not sure we expected her to be quite that good. With a belt for days and a brittle, spot-on nastiness that gives her Miss Hannigan a real sense of unapologetic terror, we’re suddenly finding ourselves wanting to see Annie again. This is no small feat, considering that Shows With Adorable Children are not generally at the top of our must-see list, and that we weren’t entirely thrilled with this production. Watching Jane kill it on the Tonys, you had to wonder: If she originated the role, would she have been nominated for a Tony? We think she would have been, and that all of us – and this Annie revival – missed out.

Ladies First
Let’s hear it for the girls: Both Diane Paulus and Pam MacKinnon took home directing trophies this year. Cyndi Lauper became the first woman to nab the Best Score prize completely solo. We couldn’t help but love all the commentary in the media in the next day saying that Broadway is more diverse and inclusive than other aspects of the entertainment industry. Because duh, we knew that already.

Tracy Letts for the Steal
On what planet do the star-hungry Tony Awards pass up a chance to put an important award into the hands of a beloved Hollywood actor? On planet Sunday Night, that’s what. Tracy Letts bested Tom Hanks in the Best Actor in a Play category, shocking basically everyone. Especially the mainstream media shmucks in the press room who had to take an extra three minutes out of their night to Google Letts’ name. But Letts deserved that little spinning disk for his astonishing performance in Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf, and we were thrilled to see it happen. Let’s hope all the Tony voters like the weather so much on this planet that they stay.

Terrence Man Gets Closer to the Four-and-Forlorn Club, of Which Raul Esparza is the President, Vice-President, Secretary, and Treasurer
Third time’s a charm? Not so much for legendary Broadway Actor Terrence Mann, who arrived at the show Sunday night as a three-time Tony Nominee — for his gleeful and glorious performance as Charlemagne in Pippin — and left as a three-time Tony Also Ran. This is Broadway royalty, you guys. He’s the American Javert for chrissakes! How could this happen? And who does he have to hunt down across time and space and the entire imaginary nation of France to make sure that next time, he fucking wins?

Please Welcome, Mufasa
So, what was up with this extreme fuckery wherein all of the technical awards were handed out by characters in shows, instead of by actors? Never mind that we really like knowing the names of actors in Broadway shows, who don’t often receive much mainstream recognition. Never mind that two of the “characters” onstage were played by Anthony Warlow (well-known in his homeland, and in theater circles here) and Reeve Carney (who’s about to star in a biopic about Jeff Buckley, has a rock album, and has dated famous people). Never mind that poor Corey Cott had to bust out not just his dumbass newsboy cap, but his full-on oldschool New York accent. And never mind that no one would dare insinuate that Scarlett Johansson or Alan Cumming present an award in character.  The worst thing about this idea is that it just made no goddamn sense. The Oscars can get away with this nonsense when it’s a joke, and when the awards are presented by, say, an animated Snow White. Or by Chewbacca. But actors are real-life people and contrary to the look of 42nd Street these days, this is not Disney World. Spare us, Tony Awards. Our belief suspension systems stop squarely at the TV screen.

Mike Tyson Is Still a Convicted Rapist and an Alleged Wife Abuser, Even Though He’s Funny Sometimes
Just so we’re all clear. You know, in a year where we’re celebrating women and all.

Will Tim Minchin Please Stand Up
Nope, he won’t! Caught up in Australia in a production of Jesus Christ Superstar, Matilda writer – and total crazy genius – Tim Minchin didn’t make the round-the-world flight to the Tonys this year. Not gonna lie: We were sad to be without him for his smarts and energy and guyliner. And for the missed opportunity to give him his own singer-songwriter concert segment, a la Cyndi Lauper. But maybe he made the right call. He didn’t win.

Matilda, We Called It
Remember a year ago when we said that Matilda was too good for Broadway? What we should have said was that it was too edgy for Broadway. A show about children, but not necessarily a “kid’s show,” Matilda, for all its squalling onstage brood, has an unsettling dark streak that clearly got to the Tony voters. Easily the most critically acclaimed show of the year — and a show that blew our minds for its blatant refusal to sanitize or sugarcoat its pointed source material — it still lost out on the top prize of the night to the more upbeat Kinky Boots. Surprising? Not really. The Tonys have a track record for neatly swerving around the serious stuff for lighter fare. The biggest surprise, really, is Matilda itself, and its coolheaded commitment to its purpose, awards and nominations be damned.

Audra Literally Drops the Mic
Boom.

The Tonys are sort of an odyssey. You wake up early because you’re too excited to sleep and spend the day getting ready and then there’s the carpet and the media room and the after-parties spread out across midtown. Along the way you bump into some of theater’s very best and brightest. Below, a moment or two with nine of the people we spotted last night.

1. Jordan Roth

Smash’s Jordan Roth–har har–is kind of our Broadway Businessman Idol/Crush of life, so clearly we had to ask him who his Broadway crush is. Cue swooning when Jordan tells us his husband Richie Jackson takes the top slot on his ballot.

2. Stephen Oremus

So there was just no way we were going to let Stephen Oremus–orchestrator, musical genius, and all around handsome motherfucker–leave the red carpet without talking to us. Because a) he’s awesome and b) we knew, in our heart of hearts, that homeboy was about to win himself a Tony. And fuck anyone working that carpet who didn’t know enough about theater to be all up in his beautiful grill last night. Stephen was wearing an awesome red pocket square/polka-dotted tie combo and stopped long enough to tell us that his Broadway crush is Billy Porter. We totally concur, by the way.

3. Billy Magnussen

Our favorite thing about talking to Billy? He has the absolute best, warm-ray-of-sunshine, I-just-hung-ten-on-a-wicked-wave, you’d-never-know-I-grew-up-in-Queens laugh. Well. Looking at his beautiful face ain’t so bad, either.

4. Andrea Martin

Up close you can see the beautiful details of Andrea Martin’s dress, which is layer upon layer of swiss dot tulle. We’re still marveling at/swooning over the details when she gets to the far end of the carpet and pauses her posing to switch her Tony from one hand to the other while joking about how heavy it is. She was pretty happy to endure the heavy lifting, though.

5. Stark Sands

At the bar, some time between 2 and 3 am we turned around to see Stark Sands’ beautiful baby face mere feet away. Which of course meant we had to take a minute to tell him that within five minutes of winking at the camera on national television, he was an internet meme sensation. Then our ovaries exploded into a thousand million bits when Stark told us he’d done that for his mom. Boom.

6. Tom Kitt

Upstairs the suite is wall-to-wall people. One of those people? Tom Kitt. Whose butt one of us may have considered grabbing, you know, just for half a fleeting second. Because… hello, he’s so cute! Plus, there were so many other people to blame it on!

7. Darren Criss

“Where’s Benj?” we asked sort of rhetorically, as we squeezed through the crowd. Who turned around to answer? Oh, just TV’s Darren Criss and his glorious mop of curls.

8. Matthew James Thomas

Benj Pasek introduces us to Pippin himself, Matthew James Thomas, and then totally disappears, leaving poor MJT to chat with two very enthusiastic young women who he does not know at all, without the social lubricant of a friend of his own. He survived. As did we (though L did laugh her face off as M tried save the awkward conversation). It was… a lot of things.

9. Jamie Cepero

You should have seen the look on Jamie Cepero’s face when one of us identified him as Smash’s resident baddie, Ellis Boyd.

Look team, it’s Theater Christmas in June! (And Fangirl Christmas and Nerd Christmas and maybe Gay Christmas too.) Also known as The Tony Awards. In case you couldn’t tell from the title, we’re liveblogging the shit out of this. No really. Look down there. It’s all happening.

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