the craptacular

Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark is happening.  It might be happening on a stage right this very moment, actually.  You know, if you’re reading this between 8:00 and 11:00pm EST on a Wednesday-Sunday night.

The point is, it’s here.  Finally.  And it may not be going away any time soon.

But what does this mean, dear theater-lover, to the art form you love best?  Is this awesome or awful?  Below…some reasons it’s kind of both.

We all love a scandal, but…

Almost no one loves a scandal as much as The Craptacular. We giggle with glee every time we think about how awesome it was to be able to write about a BJ in the audience an American Idiot (hint: it wasn’t Billie Joe).  But the sensationalized disaster over at the Foxwoods Theater is getting so much press coverage the embargo may as well be an invitation.  That coverage has lead to millions of dollars in ticket sales for a show that is essentially unfinished.  The infusion of cash on Broadway may be much-needed, but what kind of standard is being set here?  Do you need to drop people out of the sky inside your theater to get attention?  Spend more money than the GDP of several developing nations combined? Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson and The Scottsboro Boys, two intelligent, well-reviewed shows with smaller budgets and shallower pockets didn’t stand a chance in this season of Spider-Man—of Conan O’Brien parodies and front-page Times stories—and looking back, it’s easy to see why those shows can’t compete.  It also happens to be terrifying.

Christmas season is in full swing here in New York City.  Rushing through Times Square to our ticket lotteries just got a lot harder and the tourists are making us all stabby.  Plus, its colder than a witch’s tit.  But.  But!  There are still some theater-related things that are making us cheery this weekend.

• Newsies gets another reading, and best of all, they announce the cast.  Our inner-teenagers screeched with boundless joy.  And cried a little.  Imagine what would have happened if this news had come when we were actually teenagers.
• Did we mention that the Newsies reading involved both Jay Johnson and John Arthur Greene? As if we weren’t flushed enough.
• Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark rolled into its second week of previews.  Or should we say ‘limped’?  Either way, this show is real, y’all.  We have to believe it because we’ve both seen it.
• The Motherfucker With the Hat moved its opening day forward to March 15^th. And yes, we did just spell its name out properly.  The horror!
• Tumblr crashed for like, a bazillion days. Admit it, you were starting to get the shakes without constant access to a stream of photos of Gavin Creel cuddling bunnies, or whatever.
• Mandy Pantinkin is officially bringing Rinne Groff’s Compulsion to the Public this spring.  The only thing that could make this better is the involvement of that other Groff.
• Hottie McHotpants, Reeve Carney talks to T Magazine about Spider-Man, and the sheer volume of interview/photoshoot requests he’s begun to field. Life is hard when you’re in the biggest thing to hit Broadway since the electric light. #firstworldproblems #notgonnalieiwouldhititanyway
• Neil Patrick Harris will lead the  Lonny Price directed Company with the NY Philharmonic. No.  Seeing this will not stem the tide of regret for missing the ’06 Raul Esparza revival. But don’t let history repeat itself, mmmkay?

Tears and eyeliner do not mix.

This announcement sucks in particular: Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson is donezo.  Over.  Closing January 2^nd, 2011.

Also, this blows goats.

From Andrew Jackson’s first promise to put it in us, he came through, time and again.  Speaking directly to a young, smart, edgy audience first off-Broadway, then on, our seventh POTUS proved that Broadway could be many things.  Broadway could be anything.  Fuck anyone who says otherwise.

We’re devastated to see it go, and frankly, too disconsolate to say much else.

We’ll miss your sexypants, Andrew (Mr. Jackson if you’re nasty).  But at least we’ll always have the lapdances, err, memories.

Photo: BloodyBloodyAndrewJackson.com

After attending last night’s Second Annual Broadway Speaks OUT! “Very Mary Holiday” benefit for The Ali Forney Center at Dixon Place, I really wanted to write some big effervescent piece on its awesomeness.  The Ali Forney Center does important work (learn more here) and any benefit to support that work is worth writing about.  Plus, it was a really great night out.

Then I sat down to write.  And there’s one huuuuge problem.   A problem that goes by the name of John Arthur Greene.  He’s all I can think about.  Or write about.  His presence last night basically obliterated everything around him.  Ugh.

If only Greene weren’t so disgustingly hot.  And talented.  With that cocky swagger.  And red hair.

Things are bad enough when he’s just being a real-life Riff.  They get exponentially worse when he picks up a guitar.  I almost fell out of my chair.  I’d consider elaborating here, but my mom reads this blog, so… let’s just say I find him stupidly, mind-obliteratingly attractive.  And it’s completely distracting to see him as a part of an ensemble cast.

I suspect at least 50% of this can be explained by my biological imperative to propagate the species. Greene is a ginger. Meaning, if he gets me knocked up, we’re doing our kind—and the universe, obvs—a favor, really.  In other words: it’s not my fault.  Also.  It is clearly so much bigger than me and my hormones, y’all.  (Just let me tell myself that. If I keep repeating it, I think I might even believe it someday.)

Still.  This is kind of out of control.  I’m thinking I might need to invest in a blindfold before his next performance, just so I can focus on the task at hand…

Photo: Julie DeMarre

Now that you’ve just eaten a mountain of turkey, we figured you might be craving something… meatier. Consider the following our holiday present to you. After all, you asked for it in so many words. Happy holidays from TheCraptacular.

This is SFW, but we don’t guarantee you’ll get anything done after you see it.

Gavin Creel

Cheyenne Jackson

Patrick Wilson

Benjamin Walker

Hugh Jackman

Will Swenson

Aaron Tveit

Matt Cavenaugh

Matthew Morrison

Steel Burkhardt

Is he or Isn’t he, Bonus Round: Jonathan Groff

There are no two words we love seeing in our Google Alerts more than “Gavin Creel.” And he’s been there a lot lately. With a charting EP and whispers that he might be on Broadway again in 2011, it’s no wonder. So…

 Loading ...

So, there’s this guy starring in this show that you might have heard of. His name is Benjamin Walker and the show is Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson. Yeah, you just got a little excited, right? (It’s okay, we did too.)  He recently took some time to answer our questions about the show, its now-infamous lap dance sequence, and the stuff on his mind and on his bookcase. (Hint on the latter: It’s appropriately presidential.) Here’s what Broadway’s resident Commander-in-Chief had to say:

What’s your favorite moment in the show?
The opening every night is hugely exciting. We get to meet the audience and literally have a little time to get to know each other off-book before they get their hair blown back.

The guyliner: Is it self-applied? Any suggestions for replicating the look?
We all do our own hair and makeup. My only suggestion is to find a good way to clean it off. It gets caked on after a while, and people give you strange looks on the train home.

Remember that one time you gave The Mick a lap dance during “Rock Star”? Of course you do. Her reaction can be described as positive. What’s the most alarming lap dance reaction you’ve gotten?
Once an elderly woman had fallen asleep, so I nudged her chin with my crotch, and when she screamed, I kid you not, her teeth came loose.

Have any real-life rock stars inspired your performance?
I’m sure they have, whether I like it or not. But we try to make Jackson his own unique brand. He was the first rock star president, so we don’t want him to resemble anyone else in particular. He should be that childhood rock star we all used to pretend to be in front of our bedroom mirrors.

What’s the worst onstage mishap to date?
One time during Rachel’s death, I sang the second verse instead of the first and the band couldn’t follow me. I don’t know what happened, I just drew a blank. I ended up having to stop the show, explain to the audience what had happened, apologize, and just say, “Well, let’s just take it back from where she’s dead…”

Ben or Benjamin?
As long as people aren’t calling me something derogatory, it doesn’t matter.

Did you have a favorite stuffed animal when you were a kid?
My grandmother made me a big red horse that I used to love.

What’s your dream role in a musical? (Besides this one, natch.)
Franklin Shepard in Merrily We Roll Along. I think I could learn a lot from working on that show.

Words you use too often:
Mostly unprintable ones.

Words you don’t use often enough:
Phrases like, “Man, I just got SO much sleep!”

Last book you read:
Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln by Doris Kearns Goodwin

Favorite mid-/late-nineties pop song:
Off the top of my head right now? Maybe “Possum Kingdom” by the Toadies.

Last but certainly not least: People keep searching for “shirtless Ben Walker” and landing on our site. Any advice for these intrepid souls?
HA come on, no one is looking for my bare chest.

Any parting thoughts?
I would just say an enormous thank you! Thank you for supporting live theater and for supporting our play. It’s been such a long road to get the show here, and the only consistent part has been the support of people who love and understand the importance of theater. Thank you.

Congrats to @yankeegirl51680 & @haleypetre our Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson-inspired Twitter Contest winners!

Photo: BloodyBloodyAndrewJackson.com

It’s cold. Thanksgiving is next week. (You remember Thanksgiving, right? That day when they put the musicals on TV?) The new theater season is in high gear. Here’s what we’ll be talking about as we trim our trees this weekend.

• Superstar comedian Dane Cook will star in Neil Labute’s Fat Pig on Broadway in the spring. And all your theater friends just looked at each other and said, “Who’s Dane Cook?”

• A new reading of Pippin, directed by Diane Paulus and starring Gavin Creel, happened this week. You didn’t make that up, but it kind of sounds like you did, right?

• Guess who got to ask Benjamin Walker some questions? Oh right, we did. Tune in on Monday for our Q&A. It’s pretty badass.

• The Les Miserables 25th Anniversary Concert was screened across the country in movie theaters, and word on the street is that young Nick Jonas, starring as Marius, holds his own. We wish we could say the same for his solo album.

• In a move that struck fear into the hearts of theater nerds everywhere, the creative team of the musical Bring it On announced this week that real cheerleaders make up half the cast. We have no idea how this will work, and we’re concerned for the safety of the real Broadway actors in the cast. Clearly these people don’t watch Glee.

• Like a billion shows are closing in January. What? Spend your entire Christmas fund on Broadway shows? You’d never do that…

Theater in a lavish old (and probably haunted) house? Bring it. We checked out The Turn of the Screw at the Merchant’s House Museum last week, and–shock and surprise–we loved it.  So much it’s almost eerie.

Here’s what you need to know: Playing its final 8 performances this coming weekend, The Turn of the Screw is a two-hand play adapted from Henry James’ novella of the same name.  Starring Vince Gatton and Christina LaFortune, this tale of a governess caring for two children at a haunted estate in 19th century England is being staged in the parlor of a New York City townhouse of the very same era.

Here’s why you need to go see it:

Vince, Vince and More Vince.
We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again—Vince Gatton is dashing and looks good in a suit.  But more importantly, Gatton can play a metric shit-ton of characters in one show with unbelievable ease and clarity.  In The Turn of The Screw, he plays no less than four different roles and his Miles, the ten-year-old-boy at the center of the drama, is particularly remarkable—Gatton even runs like a ten-year-old.  It’s crazy! (In a good way, obvs.)  He also makes some pretty impressive bird calls and scary wind noises.  But seriously.  Gatton is masterful, and witnessing his performance is a privilege.

There’s a Redhead in it!
We may or may not be biased on this, but we think redheads make everything better, and Christina LaFortune’s performance in The Turn of the Screw is no exception.  At first, her Governess feels almost too chirpy and firm in her convictions, but as the play unfolds, this proves perfect for the role.  Her unwavering certainty only heightens the sinister drama and gives you—the audience—the freedom to ask the creepiest question of all: what in the hell is really happening here?

The Merchant’s House is a character, too.
Set in the house’s low-lit front parlor, The Turn of the Screw owes some of its ghostly atmosphere to the fact that the Merchant’s House may or may not be filled with… real ghosts. At one point, a thumping water pipe in the hallway nearly had us nearly crawling up the velvet curtains in fear. No traditional theater space can do this, making for a truly unique experience.

It’s Goth, but in a good way.

Perhaps we were a prime audience to begin with—the Bronte/Austen-esque nature of this gothic horror fits kind of perfectly with our interests (there’s even a Jane Eyre joke!).  But the truth is, The Mick couldn’t hate creepy/haunty things any more if she tried, and she went into this with serious fear and skepticism.  And she loved it anyway.  Turns out (haha!) the play itself has a broad appeal, and its 70-minute length is so tightly and smartly crafted that the audience is completely swept up in the mystery.  There’s no time to think about how you’re feeling because you’re too busy feeling it.  In other words, The Turn of the Screw a rush of a theater experience that is hard to find.

Tickets provided by Two Turns Theatre Company.

Photo: Christina LaFortune