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There are pimps! Whores! Dildos! Babies born out of wedlock!

This week’s episode of 16 and Pregnant? No, sir. It’s Shakespeare in the Park.

In David Esbjornson’s production of Measure for Measure, one of Shakespeare’s famous “problem plays”, morality gets a little slippery. Or maybe it doesn’t. Maybe it just depends on who’s making the judgment.

Take, for example, the judgment of the fair-minded but flaky Duke, who immediately hightails it out of town. Or of the draconian Angelo, the Duke’s buddy who gets left in charge. To say that they have a different managerial style is an understatement. Once Angelo is in charge, he starts shutting down the whorehouses and jailing the fornicators, including Claudio, who lands on death row for knocking up his girlfriend.

In this Shakespeare in the Park production, which runs through July 30 at the Delacorte Theater in Central Park, Esbjornson uses fetish gear, dungeon-y sets, and a couple of slinky demon-like creatures to highlight the darkness — the phantom-y, subconscious urges — rumbling beneath Shakespeare’s play. (Of note: The demon guys have visible penises, and look sort of like Mr. Mistoffelees after several decades of whoring and meth.)

This could all get very dull, very quickly. I mean, let’s be real. A costume that mimics nipple piercings, at this point, probably wouldn’t even shock your grandmother. (Because she watches 16 and Pregnant, too.) But Esbjornson’s commitment to telling the story in a way that’s both sensible, and sensitive to a contemporary audience, makes for an enjoyable night in the park. A handful of fierce, funny performances lubricate things nicely, too.

Of note is the radiant Danai Gurira, who plays Isabella – Claudio’s sister, a young nun who falls prey to Angelo’s lustful intentions as she pleads for her brother’s freedom. Armed with a couple of badass monologues, and a costume that makes her look like an angel about to levitate off the stage, she finds just the right amount of rage to level at stupid Angelo. That we believe in Angelo’s badness — all his hypocritical chin-stroking — is a credit to Michael Hayden, who plays him.

The comic roles too, stand out. (Yeah, this is a comedy, did I forget to mention that? Well, Shakespeare kind of forgot to mention that, too, but no matter.) Carson Elrod is particularly great as bartender-cum-pimp Pompey. Done up like a rockstar, including the requisite stripe of color in his hair, he’s good for a few much-needed laughs.

We need them most in the end, when Shakespeare’s characters all somehow end up married to each other, despite a distinct lack of love and good sense. Isabella’s pairing with the Duke himself is presented in a particularly riveting way. I won’t spoil, but let’s just say that her silent reaction—one of the hallmarks of the play—brings things nicely up to date. And in the end, the actors take their bows to… what else… “Sympathy for the Devil.”

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Weekend Agenda: 1776 Edition

Happy freaking holiday weekend y’all.  We thought you might need some shit to talk about between fireworks shows/kegs of Sam Adams, so we’ve compiled a brief list of several theater-related things to stick in your back pocket, just in case…

  • News from the other side of the Atlantic: Not to be outdone by the BAMF Les Miserables 25th Anniversary Concert at the O2 arena, The Phantom of the Opera is likewise planning its own birthday shindig. Set for the Royal Albert Hall in early October, the concert is set to star the mutually glorious Sierra Boggess and Ramin Karimloo as Christine and the Phantom. Not to hint too strongly, but throw in Patrick Wilson as Raul and our flights are as good as booked, baby.
  • Speaking of things that got us researching flights to London.  Craptacular favorite Tom Riley just landed a new gig in London. This fall he’ll be starring alongside Tracey Ullman in Stephen Poliakoff’s My City from September through November.  Prepare yourself, London. We are about to make you our own by painting you a very distinct shade of Craptacular red.
  • What’s happening in 2011/2012 on Broadway? Lots of new shows, that’s what. Wildhorn’s Bonnie and Clyde, yet another revival of Follies, David Henry Hwang’s Chinglish, Godspell, a Nina Arianda-fronted (!!!) Venus in Fur, and On a Clear Day, starring The World’s Most Perfect Man, Harry Connick Jr.. We’re excited, but we’re going broke just thinking about it.  A note to all these shows: Call us when you announce your lotto policy…
  • Oh, Follies. It’s coming back to New York and the four big famous important principals from the Kennedy Center remain intact.  And yet.  We still don’t really give a shit?  Or we do in that like… you always have to give a shit about Bernadette Peters.  And Jan Maxwell and Danny Burstein.  But like… it’s Follies.  IT’S ABOUT MISERABLE OLD PEOPLE.  We automatically care 98% less.  Even if it’s Sondheim.
  • Last night at the opening of Measure for Measure, actor Carson Elrod went off book as he wound his way past Tony Winner Bill Irwin in the audience during a monologue AND IT WAS THE CUTEST THING EVER. Stopping to call Irwin out to the audience as the “greatest living clown,” Elrod then asked “How am I doing?” and got all flustered before shouting for his next “LINE!”  The audience ate it up, erupting into applause, and Elrod made us love him more than we even thought possible.
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No, you must.

Three thoughts.

1. If you can watch this and somehow not believe that Gavin Creel is the single most talented musical theater performer of our times, get off the face of this planet. I couldn’t get through it without shouting at the screen like I was at a Backstreet Boys concert in 1999.

2. Here’s hoping that this is subliminal confirmation that Pippin is happening, and soon, and with Gavin above the title.

3. Christopher Hanke is sitting in the background watching this happen. Watch his face.

Video: @imsarahmoore

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Poll: Would You See Cats?

Andrew Lloyd Webber's Cats

Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber announced this week that Cats may be returning to the West End. So of course, we had to ask.

If it transferred to Broadway, would you see it?

View Results

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Remember that time your best friend started dating that dreadful hipster/manchild from Williamsburg who was completely unworthy of someone as smart and classy as her?  And you had to sit back and watch while he made her jump through hoops to get his attention, even though he totally did not merit any of the effort?  And he treated her like crap from start to finish? And she was heartbroken most of the time, but there was nothing you could do to save her from herself?

Welcome to All’s Well That Ends Well.

Okay.  Maybe it’s not entirely like that.  Back when Shakespeare was writing, women didn’t exactly have the options we do today.  Our heroine Helena needs a husband, and though Bertram is an immature douchebag, director Daniel Sullivan creates a flicker of hope he could change his ways.  Maybe it’s not all quite as terrible as your friend and the eternal manchild with no future.

What I’m trying to say is, there’s something pretty modern about All’s Well That Ends Well, now playing at the Delacorte Theater in Central Park as a part of the Public Theater’s 2011 Shakespeare in the Park season.  Or maybe a better word is timeless.  We might not have that much actual royalty kicking around these days, and a bed trick would probably involve more roofies and less blindfolding, but the particulars are sort of unimportant.  You recognize these people, their feelings and motivations, their fears.  You’ve seen it all before.  There’s something reassuring in that.  Generations have come and gone, hundreds of them, and life and love remain as complex as ever.  We soldier on.

Things in All’s Well end happily enough, and Sullivan has found some way to make sense of the inherent weirdness of a comedy with so much relationship drama and a hero (Bertram) who is nigh unto impossible to love.  The comedy is played perfectly—particularly by David Manis, Reg Rogers and Carson Elrod—and Annie Parisse anchors the action with her thoughtful, eloquent Helena.  Tonya Pinkins’ wise Countess Roussillon and John Cullum’s blustery but powerful king are highlights as well.

Sure.  You’ll probably leave the theater wondering what was going on in Helena’s head.  And why so many women, past present and future, seem to seek men who don’t deserve them.  But a night of classic theater in Central Park is never a bad thing.  And it’s strangely soothing to be reminded that your bestie is neither the first— nor will she be the last— to fall in love with a dickhead.  And that in the end she will survive, and so will you.

Photo: Joan Marcus

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The Big Break: Finn Wittrock

Finn Wittrock

Kids! Welcome to our new mini-interview series with theater up-and-comers. Our first subject is the handsome young staaah of The Signature Theatre’s production of The Illusion – Tony Kusnher’s brainiac adaptation of Pierre Corneille’s 1636 play L’Illusion Comique. We chatted with him about the formidable Mr. Kushner, playing with onstage weaponry, and his past as a soap opera hunk. Read on…

L: So where are you from?

Finn: I’m from L.A., and I love L.A.. I went to school in New York and lived here for like two years. I went to Juilliard. Then I got the soap opera [All My Children] and it took me out to L.A.. I kind of moved back home for the show.

L: So you’re truly bi-costal, then.

Finn: Yeah, I’m trying to maintain the life. [Laughs.] So far I’ve been able to do it.

L: It sounds like Tony Kushner was completely hands-on in the way that he worked on The Illusion. What’s that been like?

Finn: He was, very much so. He has a remarkable ability to talk to actors, and he has an MFA in directing. He can get under your skin and talk to you about where you’re coming from. He’ll never give a note like, “Be faster,” or “Be louder,” but the effect will be to make you faster or louder.

L: Was there any intimidation factor there?

Finn:
When I auditioned, I was wondering if I would see him, and if he was going to be in the room. And he came out of the casting office and was like, “Hi. Will you do this scene instead? They didn’t give you enough of this side, so…” And I was like, “Oh, OK. Thank you, Mr. Kushner.” He’s the most affable, personable person. There’s no pretense at all. He’s really all about the work. And he’s really gracious. That was a relief.

L: What’s your favorite part of the show?

Finn: Well, the sword fight’s fun. And I really love the last scene.

L: Any special training for that sword fight?

Finn: I’d done sword fighting and so has Sean [Dugan, who is also in the scene]. We both have been professionally trained, but it’s been a while. But the choreographer came in and gave us a refresher.

L: Is there any like, actual danger involved?

Finn: I fell off the piano in the third preview. I did a faceplant and almost took down one of the drops. Besides that, nothing’s happened.

L: Going back to All My Children for a sec. Who’s crazier, soap opera fans or theater fans?

Finn: Soap opera beats theater, by far. They are the most loyal, die-hard fans that you’ll possibly meet. And what’s really surprising is the places where you’ll find fans. I was taking the A train and I was up on 145th Street, and this guy stopped me and was like, “Hey, you were on All My Children! I’m so sad that’s ending.” A bouncer at a bar I was at the other night was a huge fan and bought me a drink. They come out of the woodwork, and most of them have been watching the show as long as I’ve been alive, so they’re kind of more attached than I am.

L: What’s next for you?

Finn: I’m starting to audition for stuff again. Hopefully it’ll be something that takes me back to L.A.. I wrote a screenplay with a friend, and it looks like we might be shooting that – low-budget style – in the fall. It’s called The Submarine Kid, so look out for that.

L: So you’re a writer, too.

Finn: I’m trying to be a writer. I’ve written some plays and my friend and I have collaborated a bit.

L: So, when we first saw you in The Illusion, we were saying that you looked like the most perfect Disney Prince we’ve ever seen. If you had your choice, which one would you like to play?

Finn: I forget his name. What’s the prince’s name in Sleeping Beauty? That’s like, my favorite movie. He’s the one who fights the dragon. Prince Philip!

L: Also, you were recently in a reading of Picnic. How was that, and any word on whether it’s happening?

Finn: It was pretty amazing. It was like, all these superstars and me! I kind of had no idea what I was doing there. That would be a dream, to be in that play. And what a great part for Melissa Leo! She would just knock that out of the park. I hope someday it gets produced. Knock on wood.

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The Phantom Las Vegas

    1. The Effing Chandelier

      It’s twice the size of the Broadway version, comes in four pieces, and does its own little dance at the top of the show. It’s pretty thrilling and if you’re in the orchestra seats, watching it do its chandelier-y thang will give you a total crick in the neck, but it’s worth it. Also, unlike its clumsy, marshmallow-y New York cousin, the Vegas chandelier seems like it could really kill you if it fell on your head, and in one nearly-unforgivable moment that proves that irony is dead west of the Mississippi, the PTO himself even dangles from it, Spider-Man style. `

    2. The Fireworks, Literally

      So, there’s fireworks. Indoors. On the stage. They don’t add much, but as they say in Las Vegas, “Why not?”

    3. The Set of Huge, Awesome Goldness

      In this version, as in the original, the best entrance of the evening belongs to the set. The de-shrouding of all those gold statues – there’s 40% more of them, fyi – happens in Las Vegas too, but a creepy, lavish additional touch made my jaw drop a little, I will admit. Rather than the typical fake opera boxes at stage right and left, the Sin City version expands this idea out to the whole theater. Dozens of boxes wrap around the whole theater on the upper level, and they’re filled with… creepy mannequins. Like, creepy, weirdly realistic mannequins. And we all know how the Phantom loves himself some mannequins. They’re dressed in the period of the show (the more I think about this, the less sense it makes, so I’m not allowing myself time to dwell), and they appear to be watching the lavish spectacle onstage along with you. My favorite? A mannequin of a little girl, house left, whose face is fully turned away from the stage and up to the chandelier.

    4. The Generally Nonexistant Second Act

      The thing about this Phantom? It’s blessedly short. With a single act that clocks in at 95 minutes, let’s just call this the… um… American Idiot version. And you won’t be sad about that. A radically compressed second act allows Christine less time to be annoying, dispels with some fussy details, and puts you back out in the casino with enough time to lose several thousand dollars before bed.

    5. Raul’s Confusing, Knife-Filled Cage of Death

      So, remember that totally confusing piece of exposition where Madame Giry goes on for an hour about the “punjab lasso,” and you were kind of like, “Whatever, Mme. Giry, I don’t understand what you’re talking about, and it doesn’t matter anyway because this isn’t even material to the plot.”? Yeah, well, they cut it. Which means that it’s no longer necessary to have Raul nearly-die after getting caught in the Phantom’s semi-magical noose, or whatever. In this version, he nearly dies… get ready… inside a cage filed with stabby knives. WHAT? I know. I couldn’t believe it either. Halfway between an iron maiden and an old piece of equipment that David Copperfield put out to the street, it’s like… a human-size box full of retractable knives. And Raul somehow gets caught inside it. Needless to say, we don’t get to see this thing in action, but you won’t be sorry for it.

    6. The Romance Novel-y Marketing

      Call me crazy, but I love the Fabio-and-bare-bosomed-wench-style poster. The man is a murderer with a creepy doll fetish, you say? Oh sorry, I can’t hear you. I’m too busy trying to sing along while keeping this rose clutched between my teeth.

    7. The Bedazzled Merch

      I bought a t-shirt. Fuck you.

    8. There Are So Many People In It – Like, So Many

      Good god, it is a cast of thousands. I counted the names on the board and had to stop – from exhaustion – at 50. There are shows on Broadway right now that are lucky if they can boast 50 people in the audience, never mind the cast.

    9. You Need to Find Your Own Seat

      I’ll admit it. I definitely stood at the back of the house for a solid three minutes waiting for someone to seat me before remembering that I was in Las Vegas, and that the rules of civilization do not apply.

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      aarontveitbackside

      Lucky: P.S. Tell me you saw that photo of Aaron playing softball.
      The Mick: OH MY GOD. I needed clean panties after that. You know how I like a good behind.
      Lucky: If I had a penis, I actually would have gotten a boner. He actually has maybe the best ass I’ve ever seen.
      The Mick: My fave thing about him is that he takes it so seriously.
      Lucky: His ass?
      The Mick: Like… that game is no joke to him. He fucking wants to win.
      Lucky: Or his softball?
      The Mick: I can relate to that. Softball. Though I’m sure he takes his ass seriously, too.

      Photo: @vixiedust11

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      The After-Party for the Gala Performance of Shakespeare in the Park’s All’s Well That Ends Well is a crazy mashup of fairy-tale and modern-day theater lover’s fever dream.  Strands of twinkling lights lead you up a garden stair and into the courtyard of a castle where tiny pastries await you.  But you are still in New York City.  And there is a DJ playing Rhianna and Cee-Lo Green while theater actors of the highest order mill around casually.

      Sometimes you have to pinch yourself to be sure it’s not your imagination—or the booze (there was a lot of vodka in that peach nectar!)—creating visions for you.  Like when you spot Morris, the Ticket Line Security Dude and all-around awesome Public Theater staffer, breakdancing like a boss near the DJ booth.  Sometimes you just sip your drink in awe.

      Other theaterly sightings of note, which I’m pretty sure were not hallucinations:

      • Shakespeare in the Park alums Hamish Linklater and Jay O Sanders—hilarious highlights of 2009’s The Twelfth Night—standing in a circle of friends, trading jokes.
      • Last summer’s Portia, Lily Rabe—looking amazing in a grey jumpsuit and red lipstick—chatting with director Daniel Sullivan in a corner away from the crush of the crowd.
      • Gatz’s badass ginger Scott Shepherd (who could make reading the phone book stimulating) circling the party with lady Marin Ireland by his side.
      • Steven Pasquale and Tom Kitt chatting animatedly at the bar.  (Earlier in the night a friend talked to Pasquale about wanting to see him in a musical again… hint, hint Mr. Kitt…)
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      Fact: there are all different kinds of sexy. Another fact: this summer, for their repertory productions of Measure for Measure and All’s Well That Ends Well, the Public has gathered some fine examples of several different kinds of sexy and put them on stage together. Ahead of All’s Well opening on Saturday the 25th, we’ve gathered a sampling of five of Shakespeare in the Park’s hotties for you to peruse.


      The “I Play Shakespeare’s Comedy So Well It’ll Get Your Panties in Knots” Sexy Guy.

      Reg Rogers

      If you ask me, Reg Rogers is the sexiest thing happening on stage in the Delacorte Theater right now. Honestly.  It’s almost uncomfortable.  There’s just something about his ability to handle two big roles in repertory, both demanding a deft hand with Shakespeare’s verbose comedy, that is both enviable and orgasmic in equal measure.  I can already tell Rogers is going to end up being the highlight of my summer.

      The “I’m Handsome and Dashing and Knightly and I’ll Rescue You” Sexy Guy.

      Lorenzo Pisoni

      I doubt anyone could deny how good-looking Mr. Pisoni is. Plus, he’s real talented, and sweeping across the stage in a velvet cape as the Duke of Vienna in Measure for Measure, he is primed to bowl scads of theater-going women off their feet. But did you know he grew up in the circus? And that he can juggle and perform aerial tricks? I’m betting he’s real flexible, too, and you know where my over-sexed brain is going with that…


      The “I May Play a Selfish Douchebag but You Want it Anyway” Sexy Guy.

      Andre Holland

      So Holland’s biggest part this summer comes in All’s Well That Ends Well, in which he plays immature shitbag Bertram.  But the truth is, none of that makes Andre Holland any less attractive. Don’t believe me? Go see All’s Well. Even when he’s making bratty faces behind Helena’s back, Holland is stupidly cute.  Here’s to hoping he’s as good a guy in real life as he is a douchenozzle on that stage.

      The “Don’t You Wish Your Husband Was Hot Like Me” Sexy Guy.

      Michael Hayden

      Playing Angelo in Measure for Measure and the Second Brother Dumaine in All’s Well That Ends Well, Hayden sort of looks like the grown up version of a fairy tale prince.  The kind of guy you can only hope you end up married to someday. Swoon.  Good news, though, boys and girls… Even if you can’t marry Hayden, you can see him on stage several times a week this summer.  We suggest you do.


      The “Fast Talking Leather Clad Rebel” Sexy Guy.

      Carson Elrod

      Elrod makes the list for his performance as Pompey in Measure for Measure alone because there is nothing sexier than an amazingly funny guy.  (There’s also nothing funnier than watching Elrod try and dodge a dildo as it’s swung in his face. Nothing.) But Elrod holds an extra special place in our hearts for his role in the 2005 comedy classic Wedding Crashers, in which he gets several unforgettable lines including: “Crabcakes and Football. That’s what Maryland does!” and “Booyeah! That’s what we call a Sack Lunch! Numnumnumnum.”

      Photos: Nella Vera, Rogers/Pisoni/Holland/Elrod; Katherine Frey – Washington Post, Hayden.

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