the craptacular

Truth: I loved you the minute you set foot on stage in Rob Ashford’s revival of How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. The very minute.

I’d like to say that’s because I have some kind of radar-for-awesome or otherworldly instincts about theatrical talent.  The reality is, though, that in your Hedy LaRue costume—that beehive!—you are a dead ringer for my grandmother.  Or.  My grandmother as she was in 1961.

Then you got to work and I really loved you.

Your daffy bombshell Hedy, who walked kinda funny and talked kinda funny but knew herself so well, and stayed true to herself throughout, was a surprise highlight in a production where so much energy was so focused on Harry Potter himself.  Hedy leapt off the stage in 3D, standing in stark contrast to the largely flat production surrounding her.

We’ve said it before (like two days ago) and we’ll say it again—it takes a pretty smart broad to play dumb and you did so with aplomb.  So no matter what happens Sunday night, you’ve already won the biggest award we can give—the Tony of My Heart. Congrats. Can’t wait to see what you do next.

Photo: Steve Mack

Yes, blah blah blah, Mark Rylance is awesome. And Mark Rylance wins at everything. And Mark Rylance is giving a performance for the ages over there at Jerusalem. And the giants bow down to Mark Rylance, and so do we, and so does everyone, and for good reason.

But if you turn your head for half an instant, you may also note that he’s accompanied on that stage by a bunch of very fine actors, our favorite among them being Mackenzie Crook. Playing Ginger, the slacker-y, drug-doing sidekick to Rylance’s Rooster Byron, Crook easily wins the Tony of Our Hearts for the simple reason that he isn’t fully obliterated by the towering performance happening four feet away. And much more than that, the character allows him to do two things that always deserve our admiration — and maybe a trophy or two: He makes us laugh and then breaks our hearts.

Born in Kent and with a background that includes standup, a recurring role in the Pirates of the Caribbean megafranchise, a BAFTA-nominated stint on The Office, turtle breeding, and children’s book writing, there’s a lot to love. We only hope that he’ll do more stuff in America — like, for example, stand up onstage on Tony night with a statue in his hands.

photo: Steve Double

So here’s the deal. The Intelligent Homosexual’s Guide to Capitalism and Socialism With a Key to the Scriptures is closing this week at the Public Theater and you should get there and see it before its does.

I say this now because I absolutely, unequivocally loved Intelligent Homosexual.  I’ve been trying to articulate that, to write it down, for weeks and weeks now and just… failing all over the place.

Because Tony Kushner, when he’s on top of his game (and he is), is the greatest American playwright working today.  He just is.  And how can my words measure up?  Even hope to capture what he’s put on that stage, or, more importantly, how it moved me?  It feels impossible.

But I want you to know Intelligent Homosexual is wonderful.  And so…it might be messy, but I’m going to try.

Some Thoughts in a Vaguely-Logical List:

• Michael Esper is in it, and he’s giving an amazing performance. Plus, he’s cute as ever and spends at least five glorious minutes in a pair of black briefs and nothing else.
• Also, holy balls is Esper’s body bangin’. I did not know that was hiding under his jeans and tee-shirt when he was being a lump on a couch at American Idiot.  He should get undressed in all of his roles from now on.
• Intelligent Homosexual is about a family.  A family in crisis, really.  Gus Marcantonio has decided he wants to commit suicide, but first, he wants his three adult children to give him their blessing.  The play follows the family’s mental, emotional and verbal acrobatics as they come to terms with Gus’ choice over several days in the family brownstone in Brooklyn.
• Sometimes, it feels like it’s about your family.  Like you’ve sat in the middle of that shouting match, like the injuries and insecurities are yours.  Everyone feels that.  For all its amazing specificity of place and circumstance, Kushner knows how to make every moment seem very personal.
• It’s also about communism, sex, politics, marriage, betrayal, loyalty, love and faith.  You know, among other things.  Largely contained within the walls of the family dining room, Kushner’s story brings together the sort of big political ideas he’s so fond of exploring with the intimate human spaces in which those ideas are at their most powerful.
• And then there’s Steven Pasquale—obscenely attractive, as always—who is giving what could be the performance of his life as V, the youngest of the Marcantonio children.  He is utterly remarkable throughout, but his scene in the third act will actually tear your beating heart out of your chest and break it.
• Actually, the show is just generally well-acted and full of wonderful performances.  Linda Emond and Stephen Spinella, as V’s older siblings Empty and Pill, and Michael Christofer as Gus Marcantonio are standouts as well.
• The opening scene is hilarious.  In fact, there’s quite a bit of laughter to be found in this intense drama.

So… maybe they won’t win. Or maybe they will. All we know is that these Tony nominees took our breath away this season, regardless of the odds that they’ll take home a trophy. Here’s the second in our series, You Win the Tony of My Heart…

The truth is, I wasn’t excited to see your show.  As one of the five people on earth with both a twisted sense of humor and a distinct lack of love for South Park, I just wasn’t expecting much.  Yes, even though the entire goddamn earth loved it.  (Okay, I was excited to hear the c-word in a musical, but, I’m always excited to hear the c-word. Especially in a musical.)

And then, you won me over.  I mean, okay, the show probably gave you a hand. But I’m giving basically all the credit to you and your stellar performance as Elder Price—equal parts innocent and manic, certain and desperately confused.  Your big, pure, soaring voice ain’t hurting anything here, either.  I could listen to “I Believe” on repeat all day and not get tired of it.

Also, I mean, let’s just be honest here, you are hot as hell.  And whether or not you’re interested, I’m putting it out there in the universe that I wouldn’t turn down a few minutes/hours/weeks in a dark corner with you.  You know, just like the rest of humanity.

The Book of Mormon is looking pretty good to take home a shit ton of awards on June 12^th.  And I’m not mad about it.  But nominated against your co-star Josh Gad, it’s hard to be sure where your odds stand.  So I thought it was extra important to say this—you’re beautiful and stupidly talented and my favorite part of The Book of Mormon, so, Mr. Rannells, you get the Tony of My Heart.

Photo: Rodolfo Martinez

So… maybe they won’t win. Or maybe they will. All we know is that these Tony nominees took our breath away this season, regardless of the odds that they’ll take home a trophy. Here’s the first in our series, You Win the Tony of My Heart…

Dear Laura Benanti,

We have a question for you. Here it is.

What’s the difference between football quarterback Tom Brady and your husband, Stephen Pasquale?

Oh wait, here’s the obvious answer right here:

Stephen Pasquale has the hotter wife.

Yes, you totes are a major brunette bombshell and you sing like a bird, a combination that garners our automatic and unanimous approval. Plus, you did something else that was awesome this year.

You overcame the disheartening burden of a seriously wonky book in Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown – a show we tried so hard to love – and gave a legitimately wacky/genius/transcendent performance as a neurotic model who hooks up with a suspected terrorist.

It takes a smart girl to play dumb, don’t you know. And it takes a talented one to steal a show from Patti Lupone. Our thought? Hand you the real Tony right now, even though The Tony of My Heart is obviously way better. With a bow on top. Even though you’ve already won one, and not all that long ago. Because you deserve it. And because want to see your handsome husband blowing you kisses from the third row again.

We here at The Craptacular believe the Tony Awards are one of God’s greatest excuses for excessive drinking on a Sunday night.  Besides, without Benjamin Walker nominated, what other reason do we have to watch?

In an effort to formalize our boozing ways, we’ve created this here drinking game for use on Sunday, June 12^th.  Stock up on Strawberry Wine and Schnapps, ya’ll, the big day will be here before you know it!

The Craptacular’s 2011 Tony Awards Drinking Game

Take a Sip when…

• Someone does NOT drop the f-bomb  in “The Motherfucker with the Hat”
• A Hollywood actor appears on screen
• Book of Mormon wins
• Someone makes a Spider-Man joke
• The music cuts off someone’s acceptance speech

Take a Shot when…

• A cast member from Glee appears on screen
• Sutton Foster thanks Bobby Cannavale in her acceptance speech
• Bobby Cannavale thanks Sutton Foster in his acceptance speech
• Someone cries
• Alex Timbers’ flowing locks turn up on your TV

Chug when…

• Someone DOES drop the f-bomb in “The Motherfucker with the Hat”
• Sutton Foster and Bobby Cannavale BOTH thank each other in their acceptance speeches
• Disappointed Aaron Tveit Face graces your screen
• Patti LuPone doesn’t show up
• Robin Williams/Chris Rock/John Leguizamo/Colin Quinn is allowed to do a comedic monologue that has nothing to do with his show.

Finish Your Drink when…

• Someone gets knocked out by a piece of the set
• Someone confuses the dead half of Kander & Ebb

We’ve been swooning over the Broadway revival of Arcadia around these parts for months now, thanks in large part to dashing British actor Tom Riley and his sexy performance as Septimus Hodge, school friend of Lord Byron and tutor to a young genius in 19^th century England.  Last week, Tom took some time out of his busy schedule to chat with us and the topics covered include: Visible Panty Lines, the c-word, and whether or not his cute accent is helping him score chicks on this side of the pond.

Please note, there is a point at which Tom mentions having a thing for redheads and The Mick remains professionally polite. She’s expecting some kind of cosmic reward for her maturity shortly.

Read on below…

M: So, we wanted to bring out the big guns for our first question, so we have something really important to ask you about the show— Does your costume involve period undergarments?

Tom: [Laughs.] In theory it does.  If I wear modern based stuff you get a VPL [Visible Panty Line] through the britches and the first two rows can kind of see it.  But also, the shirts they give to us are so huge that come nearly down to my knees, if I tuck them in you can see the bottom of the hem on the thigh which looks like modern underwear anyway, so either way, it doesn’t really matter.  So I can get away with wearing modern underwear.  But there are period underwear there should I feel like I want to be 1800s and fancy.

M:  Okay, so, now we have an actual serious question— At what moment in the show do you think Septimus realizes that he’s in love with Lady Thomasina?

Tom: I think that something happened in those three years, that interim period where his brief dalliance with Lady Croom has petered out, or has turned sour for whatever reasons, and he’s realized that the person he’s looked for all along is present in the girl who’s been under his nose the entire time.  And I think it’s a very, very gradual thing and its only when in that final scene, he’s extracted what’s she’s discovering.  I think that’s what sends him over the edge.  She’s discovered something that would undermine everything that he’s understood for his entire life and everything he’s based his theories of teaching on, but she’s done it with such a wide-eyed, open and bright and attractive way and suddenly everything that he wanted is right there.

M: Do you have a favorite moment in the show?

Tom: Yeah, a couple really.  One for the just beauteous words—that speech about how all that’s lost at the great library of Alexandria will be rediscovered.  He’s being so caring to Lady Thomasina without being too patronizing, he’s still quite firm with her and calm with her and yet saying something so beautiful and reassuring and dark all at once.  It’s got everything that Septimus is wrapped up in a bow.

Either that or just messing about with Chater in the first scene, he’s at lot of fun.  It’s also the point where the audience understands they’re allowed to laugh. I enjoy that.

M: Arcadia is very dialogue heavy, have you ever seriously mangled your lines and created a disaster?

Tom: I actually don’t think I have, but there have been moments.  There’s the tiniest moment when you slip up, where you forget a line or forget a word, then yeah, the plot goes askew, it’s so tightly wound.  All the things you’re doing are critical in the future, like 200 years later, to Bernard, Hannah and Valentine. So the cold sweat comes and your stomach just goes in somersaults, you think, “Oh my god I’m going to fuck all of Arcadia up right now, in front of people.”  It’s not good, man.

M: So, you’ve done a bunch of theater before in London but this is your first show in New York.  Has the experience of working on Broadway been very different from working on the West End?

Tom:  Yeah, it has actually.  There’s a far stronger community here. Everyone’s so nice and supportive of each other.  There’s no schadenfreude, no one’s hoping that another show fails, and if you hear that a show is coming off there’s no moment of like, “Oh yeah, that’s great, that’s our audience, we’ll get more.”  You feel for the people that have put so much work in because everybody knows everybody else.   And the audiences here are really lively, lovely.  They want to be entertained, you know?

M: Have you found the audiences to be very different?  Do they interact differently with actors or with the piece itself?

Tom:  Yeah.  They’re happier to see you. There’s a thing, in England, where they paid, you know, a hundred quid or whatever to see a show and when the curtain goes up they’re sat there going “Come on, I paid a hundred quid to see this show, this had better be good.”  Whereas on Broadway, there’s a sense of “Come on, I paid $120 dollars to see this show, this had better be good!”  And they want it to be good.

M: Do you have anything lined up for after Arcadia? Would you think about staying in New York and doing more theater here?

Tom: I have a couple things lined up, I can’t talk about them yet because they haven’t been announced but one may be here and the others are in England.  Literally, today that all came about so I can’t really say anything cause I’ll probably get my wrist slapped.

M: Is there anything from home that you really miss?  Any food or places that you used to love to go?

Tom: The one thing New York is really good at is food, so I don’t miss food.  I know I’m going to miss the food here when I leave.  And I’m going to miss The Times, as well. I really like that paper.  But, yeah, I don’t know. There’s nothing I miss from home, apart from the people.  I don’t tend to miss places very much, I don’t know why.

M: So you have an awesome British accent. That must come in handy in the bars around here. Are the ladies just throwing themselves at you?

Tom: No! Actually, I want this sorted out now [laughs], because everyone has told me that would be the case there’s just not been any.

M: Have you picked up any Americanisms while you’ve been here?

Tom: Oh, douchebag. Mainly douchebag.  It applies to so many people and so many things all at once.  It’s quite a magical little word.

M: Do you have a favorite British dirty word?

Tom: Well, in Britain there’s one dirty word that we say a lot more than Americans, like a lot more.  And we’ve now discovered that doesn’t go down quite as easily over here as it does in England.

M: Let me guess, it’s the “c-word.”

T: Yeah. [Laugh.]

M: American women really don’t like that word.  I mean, I think it’s hilarious, but…

Tom: Good on you! I would really regret saying that on Regis & Kelly.

M: Do you prefer Tom or Thomas?

Tom: Tom, unless you’re disappointed in me.  In which case it’s Thomas.  I haven’t been called Thomas in years and years and years, but I think that was the name on my birth certificate.  Tom is what I’ve been since I was three.

M: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal when you were a child?

Tom: Yes I did.  He was a rabbit, his name was Mr. McCarrots and he had a carrot in his top pocket. And he had no pants.  I mean, I’m sure he had pants once, but the pants disappeared.  And he had this nice natty little green shirt and a bowtie. Because Mr. McCarrots liked to dress up nice.

M: What is your dream role?

Tom: My dream role? I would love to play Hamlet for David Leveaux. I’ve decided to start telling people that it’s happening so that maybe it will just happen. [Laughs.]

M: We can help you out.  We’ll put it on the internet.

Tom: Yeah. If we just put it out there on the internet, then maybe everyone will feel like it’s something that is happening and then before I know it I’ll be rehearsing.  I’ve loved working with David, I think he’s one of the greatest directors in the world and it would be a dream to do that with him. …He mentioned it once in passing and I’ve never let him forget it.

M: What are some words that you use too often?

Tom: Cheers.  I say cheers, for thank you; obviously, in England I say it all the time.  Out here you say ‘cheers’ and people think you’re forcing an unexpected celebration on them.

M: What are some words that you don’t use often enough?

Tom: Probably anything from like, my dissertation. Really verbose long ones.  Verbose!  There you go!  I don’t use verbose enough.

M: Alright, what is the last book that you read?

Tom: I’m in two right now. I’m reading No One Belongs Here More Than You by Miranda July—I’m a kind of crazy fan of hers—and the New York Trilogy by Paul Auster.

M: Do you have a favorite mid-to-late 90s pop song?

Tom: Aw, that’s a great question! Do you know Blur? The album Parklife by Blur was like, 1994 maybe? It made me love music; it made me think music was something more than I could ever imagine that it could have been. Maybe just Parklife. Or “Girls and Boys.”

M: It’s funny that you say Blur, because next up is the “Lightening Round”—it’s a couple of quick either/or questions, for you we paired together a series of British things—and the first question was Blur or Oasis?

Tom: It’s not even a question! It’s Blur. Because Oasis made the same album eight times in ten years and Blur have gone on and made about six completely different albums and Damon Albarn went to make different bands and travel the world, whereas the Gallaghers got stuck in a rut.  Oasis may have won the battle, but, Blur won the war.

M: The Beatles or The Stones?

Tom: Beatles.

M: Ginger Spice or Posh Spice?

Tom: Jesus Christ or Posh Spice?

M: No, Ginger Spice or Posh Spice?

Tom: Oh, I wish you’d said Jesus Christ or Posh Spice. That would have been the most random either/or!  I’m going to go for Ginger.  I have a massive weakness for gingers.

M: Dickens or Shakespeare?

Tom: Shakespeare.

M: Helen Mirren or Emma Thompson?

Tom: Emma Thompson, I think.

M: Prince Harry or Prince William?

Tom: Harry.  I like Harry.  Harry feels like he really doesn’t want to be a prince.  But someone’s let him, and he’s just having fun.

M: Last question in the “Lightening Round” is: Chelsea or Manchester United?

T: Chelsea.  I used to live right by Chelsea, so it would have to be them, but I don’t support for them or anything. They’re the nearest ones to me.

M: So I think we’re up to the last question for the day.  Who would win in a duel, Septimus Hodge or George Wickham?

Tom: I think they’d both talk each other out of it.  They’d really never get to the duel, they’re too wily.  They’d probably both end up just saying, “D’you know what? We really get on. Let’s go out on the town, get a pint of mead and meet some wenches.”

The PR Gods sent lots of pretty pictures and we’re sharing. You should look.

So, something cool that we got to do recently: We got to interview Jonathan Groff. Yeah, that’s him right up there.

That was fun. And yeah, we were so nervous that we almost puked. And yeah, he really is basically is a darling sweet child who you want to cradle in your arms and stuff. And yeah, if it weren’t for this audio recording of the interview as proof, we honestly would not believe that it really happened.

Up for discussion: The Glee tour, working with good looking people, the awesomeness that is Jesse St. James, and much more.

Mucho thanks again to James Marino and Michael Portantiere for sharing Jonathan with us for this brief and lovely edition of BroadwayRadio. We wept a little bit afterwards. From joy and craziness.

• So, The Mick interviewed Tom Riley (Arcadia) this week. We won’t give any of it away, but let’s just say that literature was discussed and the word “wenches” was uttered. Stoppard himself would be proud, we think.
• The Drama Desk Awards happened, only no one knew or cared, because @dramadeskawards forgot to Tweet it or live stream it or even remind us that it happened. Too bad, because this awards show — a bellwether for the Tonys — actually had some interesting winners. Plus, Jonathan Groff was there.  That’s good for three days’ worth of headlines on our web site alone.
• Speaking of the lovely, and amazingly dewy-complected Jonathan Groff, our interview with him — we swear on our Book of Mormon tickets, it really happened — will be live within the next few days. Or so say the powerful folks in charge of such things.
• Glee’s season came to a close this week.  Thank god. Those writers need a vacation. And a support staff.  And a handful of coherent storylines to follow consistently. Hopefully summer can work miracles. And the Groff can come back and continue being the most unexpectedly badass character on my whole TV.
• Proving once again that the entire city of Los Angeles has not a single clue, Hairspray at the Hollywood Bowl got a cast this week. Harvey Fierstein is Edna (fine), Marissa Jaret Winokur is Tracy (fine), and Nick Jonas is Link (?). Did everyone forget to tell us about how this production will feature a rewritten book wherein the real Link Larkin dies in a car crash and Tracy falls in love with his son, who is also called Link Larkin?
• The Post tells us that Tony officials scrapped an awesome Book of Mormon-styled opening number in favor of… the same thing they always do. Okay. We get it. This show is about all of Broadway, not just one musical. But let’s be real…when’s the last time Broadway had such a credible hit on its hands? We think featuring a successful, critically-acclaimed show on the telecast is probs a much better way to promote the business of Broadway than say… giving Memphis a Tony for Best Musical.
• British imports Jerusalem and Sleep No More have both extended their limited runs. Interesting question… what would happen if the drug-using characters of Jerusalem wandered into the trippy world of Sleep No More? Does anyone care besides us?